If you only knew

Looking all around it was a beautiful day to be outside; it was not to hot and not to cold,
But to me it was horrible; it was one of my worst days ever.
It felt like an earth quake, hurricane, lightening and thunder storm all put into one.
Knowing today is the day my dog is going to die. So we sat outside
In the perfect sunshine with the perfect weather but
It was what he wanted, his last few hours we let him do whatever he pleased,
We sat there in silence.
How to tell a two year old to say his final good bye, trying to make him understand
He will never set eyes on him again, “He is going bye bye, owe.”
One of the hardest things that made it so tough was watching and waiting.
I wish I could have done something but there was not much I could have done, if
Only I knew, I would have spoiled him a little more, spent more time at his side, took him to the park,
Do all those things happy fun loving dogs loves to do, if only I knew….
If only I knew.
Waiting for two forty five, just sitting there in silence waiting, hours passing just sitting there looking at
Him in sorrow…
If only he could understand how much I loved him and how much regret I have,
If only he knew how much I wish I could have been there,
In the last seconds of his life, I wish I could have looked him in the eyes and been able to
Pet him for the last time, so he would know I was there but I wasn’t,
I had to sit in the car.
As I watched the doors open, I seen you in a body bag,
And all I wanted to do is hold you,
If only you knew how much I loved you,
My regret is I never showed it enough.
I remember you used to sleep by my bedroom door at night,
And I remember how it made me feel, protected.
You have helped me for the better in so many ways and I wish I could have been there,
No one was there,
Not me, no one you new and I am so sorry,
If I could change it I would, I wish I could have been at your side,
Your body was not physically there but your mind was.
I am sorry…so sorry you had to leave this world all alone,
I wish I could have been there…
If only you knew how much I am going to miss you…
Waiting for three hours till your death sentence was hard all on its own
But…
Knowing you went all alone,
Kills me inside,
I am sorry,
If you only knew how truly sorry I am,
And how loved you were,
Life without you will be hard and it will be strange,
You will forever be a part of me.
If you only knew how much I love you and
Will miss you, if only you knew.