F!@# that drama queen.... In the butt.

The doctor was never the optimistic one.
He stands in the doorway as i touch your cold hand....
He tells me this reminder that chips away at my soul, leaving peices to fly through the air like sand.
Slowly and torturously i stand and watch
Vicariously, like a zombie, like a child in front of the T.V.
I kiss you and detect a hint of cigarettes.
I beg you as i shower in tears of regret.
Please wake up.
My tears only become blood to cleanse you of your sins.
My pain has only redeemed you from all you've done.
And you get off easy in my love.
As dead as dead can be.
There is nothing left of love.
There is not point in our lust.
Your kisses are now dead and gone and run the risk of someone finding out.
Still, i watch and wait. Caught by a seamless vision of what you could have been.
You could have been strong.
You could of had the world and i would be your lapdog.
I hold you and cry, begging these tears to bring you back to life.
I curse the ceiling and then my gaze turns to you.
"WAKE UP!"
I look you in your closed eyes and my fury turns
My stomach and genitals begin to quiver
In shame, in fear and in anger.
HATRED.
"WAKE UP!!!!"
You are like a stone of flesh, pernamently imprinted into the bed.
You are like a zombie who consumes pills and moves only to smoke cigarettes.
You are dead.
Dead as dead as dead as dead can be.
You are nothing.
I only long to have you face me.
I long to hear you apologize
I want you to hold me and tell me itll be alright
But you wont.
You are a bag of fat.
And i begin to think you're better off this way.
Catatonic.
I dig my brain and long to feel pain.
I reach out and wipe my hands on anything that will make me clean.
But nothing will.
WAKE UP!
WHY WONT YOU WAKE UP?
I  WANT YOU TO FACE ME
I NEED YOU TO LOOK AT ME!
Tell me it will be alright.
Tell me it will always be our little secret.
But no... You are gone. You are dead.

Well. Go on and play dead.
I know you can hear this.
I fucking hate you.
You dissapoint me.