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erasing insomnia

i couldn't sleep;
watched shadows wind
with moonlight
on the floor-

smeared the pupils
from my eyes-
wiped distractions
clean away,

yet smudges still stain
each iris

with dreams

& color from skin
rubbed off
too,

where it went was
paper-colored
pillows

printing whispered
lullabyes.



                 




Author notes

deadcolor dreams
charcoal lullabye

A contest entry

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Comments


  • xeroabyss II
    October 21

    Edit | Reply
    Seems as if the long night was spent in the company of misery, recalling fond memories of its triumphs....(?)


  • sideways hourglass
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    lullabys --> lullabies?

    i thought the title was interesting and it drew me in, and so did your opening.
    this poem seems to explore how someone not only loses sleep, but hold of themselves when they are thinking about things, distractions from sleep, from focus... and the loss of color suggests a loss of identity.

    the ending was alright for me -- the phrasing was a bit off. "where it went was..." -- you didn't exactly described it going to a location, so the structure didn't quite work...thus limiting my emotional reaction at the end.

    "paper-colored" - is a bit vague, too.

    this has an incompleteness about it. with some editing or reworking of your ending, you'd have yourself a solid poem.

    overall though, i enjoyed this. thanks for entering.


    • deadcolor dreams
      August 13
      Edit | Reply
      Well, considering I haven't been writing for months, I'm not surprised my poems are rusty. But entering was fun anyway, I had no expectations of winning.