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Doll of Macabre

Leave the one who’s broken content.
The one who's jumped off ledges
Twisted both her eyes and mouth in contempt.

A bit of eerie grace left to pound your brain
She'll cry stars, point out their sharp edges
Only she can make it rain.

The crystal figurine that can entrance with single touch
Left a note with a blue heart, though it was so warm
Purloined innocence hardened too much.

In futile ends and wary beginnings, the world was given
A pretty gift for a beautiful storm;
The darkest eyeliner for the dreamiest woman.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • perfectsunset gold member
    September 1

    Edit | Reply
    Ooh lovely use of visuals here!
    It was a very appealing write,
    and I enjoyed it so.

    Best of luck & thanks for entering


  • words-n-stuff gold member
    August 12

    Edit | Reply

    V. good indeed !

    Love the use of abstact imagery and word play ... ' A bit of eerie grace left to pound your brain - She'll cry stars, point out their sharp edges - Only she can make it rain.'
    However, I would lose all the capital letters and punctuation.
    I think the rhyme scheme for this particular piece is in danger of sounding a little forced and although the rhyme scheme in itself is perfectly fine I don't think it actually adds to the piece.
    VERY good stuff though !


  • Diminished Capacity gold member
    August 7

    Edit | Reply
    This is awesome, you have a wonderful way with words. I loved how you did your rhyme in this, it's outstanding.


  • GotLilt
    August 7
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome! Congrats!


  • Riftkin gold member
    August 7

    Edit | Reply
    Now this was done with style. I like how you have worded this poem. Best wishes as I start judging my contest.


  • Midnite-Rae
    August 6

    Edit | Reply
    I liked the imagery in this poem. "In futile ends and wary beginnings, the world was given
    A pretty gift for a beautiful storm;
    The darkest eyeliner for the dreamiest woman" I thought that was a great ending. It was my favorite stanza. I also liked the second line of the second stanza. You did a wonderful job. I enjoyed reading this. Keep it up

1 - 6 of 6