berries, moons and chemical reactions

you are the split second between breathing in and breathing out,
you are the panic that is caused when your lungs are deciding whether or not to take in another gust of oxygen, carbon dioxide, nitrogen and the flecks of argon,

or to just,
stop.


i.

you are change,
and you are cold, but warm.

you are the will to move on when snow freezes and cripples, leaving us upside down and facing the wrong direction.

and mostly, you are time,
you move in semi circle particle wavelengths, that tell us nothing,
except that behind simple explanations,
something is happening.


ii.

i am everything you're not,
which leaves us at separate ends of the spectrum,

and since you are everything, that leaves me to be the breath that sucks in carbon monoxide, and the desire to waste life dancing around a cubicle that's made of plasterboard.

i want to be beautiful, but i am not,
i am, simply put,
an earthquake, a hurricane, a tsunami,
a natural disaster spinning out of control,

i wreak havoc and leave the survivors cleaning up the mess.

i am selfish,
unfortunately.

iii.

when i was younger, i wanted to be an inventor,
i wanted to become the cure,
the person who'd fix the world, put a plaster on the sun,
and hold a flannel to the earth as if it had a temperature and i could cool him down.

when i grew up, i realised that people want to be in pain,
they want to be beautifully broken, nobody is looking for a saviour,

just pity.

iv.

one night, i asked the moon to dance,
he paraded the stars in my eyes and made liquid aquamarine leak from my irises,
he wanted to make me jealous, and i taught myself something that night,

if you can't reach something,
you're not meant to have it;

ladders are just made for dreamers, so we can pretend that we could dance on stars and live under rainbows, but really, gravity keeps us in our place.


v.

you asked what i wanted to be two hundred and four days ago,
i simply stated; 'an astronaut' and when you asked me why,
i couldn't explain that it was because i wanted to dance with stars or love over the moon rather than trying to make love underneath it.


i want to lay in a field, and feel the world revolve,
i want to see the moon orbit, and feel the earth chase the sun.

i wanted to be celestial. i wanted to be more than broken.


vi.

we are unexplainable, an anomaly, the surreal obscurity that occurs when two people that aren't meant to fall in love,

do.

--

you have diamonds falling out of my throat and the crystal shattering from where it's been frozen creating methane in my lungs.

you have my heart melting into my irises and my future etching itself into my palms,
i still read my horoscope at the end of the day,

but it's not because i don't believe,
just that i want to make sure that when they come true, it is without my intervention.