Continuous tap of fluid stream
Rhythm played on temple’s tambour
Searing crown of tortuous flames
Charring psyche’s flow of reason
Tight rope taut in mortal stem
Stretched to almost breaking
Volcanic force of lava’s flow
Stretching crest in all directions
In a list
A contest entry
- Growing strong and strange by rainboots.
400 points, ended September 9, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites contest!!!!!!!!!!!! enter!!!!! by foreveryourslove.
1120 points, ended November 9, 1070 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Not a pleasant beat, is it?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I suppose you had some insperation behind this script, we all do so they say.
he climbed into the belly of the great white bear
it's very sticky and it smells a little fishy
but no one will look for him there
he took a moment to pick his thoughts and make them clear
For example, this opending verse sung by Dear Reader from the song Great white bear is totaly barmey and there seems to be no thought in to it, just an amusing twist until we progress into the song. It all makes sense then. I think that is equal to say with this piece to, there is enough to begin to nderstand but not enough to fully comprohend.
Nice work though, if you want to hear that song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkO3gODkj20 it's worth listening to.
Dryad Enya -
Beautiful flow. Beautiful words. Great write and thanks for entering.
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Very good write! I liked this part..
Tight rope taut in mortal stem
Stretched to almost breaking
Volcanic force of lava’s flow
Stretching crest in all directions
Thanks for entering & good luck in the contest! -
This shows good use of language. I'm honestly not sure if it has the "extra something" in my opinion. However, in terms of word choice and description it's very good.
Thanks for entering
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the metaphores are amazing! this is just an astounding piece all together. but no, the beat isn't pleasant. the emotions throughout the piece are more than enough to compensate though. excellent write.
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The imagery and metaphors in this are just wonderful! But no it isn't a pleasant beat when the pain ios so bad. A very powerful and intense piece. Thank you for your entry
Gaylene
Hope you are feeling better
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