Asleep you made little funny sounds
Sometimes being chased or simply screwed
Id lay there peek with one eye open
Looking at your pretty face
You never knew..
Id sleep awake hold tight some nights though
Tell you what’s going round an round my head
Listen to the subtle noises outside
Then you’d fall asleep just like the dead..
Morning time still hours away
Im still stuck in should I go or stay
Awhile till I see yawning time
I look to the heavens
Begin to say..
Whenever im meant to fall asleep
Take the wind beneath my feet
Shout in silence to little lou
John still cares about you..
I pick my clothes up put them on
Do I take a last look at you?
Im sick of all these goings on
Did you have a look to remember too?
Comments
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You depict great moments of beauty...Lovely words.
I enjoyed this piece greatly my friend
Thanks for sharing with me
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Tooooo wordy! You are saying so many words to get a single point across. Try and condence some of these lines... They swim around in your head, and I'm feeling like the meanings get lost.
However, you have some good ideas here, dear. Just keep trying at it. That's what poetry is about. Practice makes perfect.
Thanks for sharing.
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The conversations in the presence of... we live in a land of idle threats we throw at ourselves. You catch this tension, lost at sea, self abnegation, coming from a sea of does she ... and being afraid to really find out the answers are all ones you don't want to hear. Too honest to totally blame her, too cowardly to face anything but the time -- you write the poem. Which, by the way, I rather like. You managed to hold my interest, create a loud response. So you moved me, inspite of my intellectual inertia.
Peace,
Tom B.
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