termite-mound cobble-streets unfold infinite
skating light across the surface
recapitulate the blade
stark sensual remembrance takes hold of the neurons
shaking and tearing, merciless
until the razor slakes its thirst as the raven and the crow do
and no amount of well-intentioned affection
can staunch the flow of mortal wounds
as its enthusiasm blinds itself to the fatal mortification.
losing proportion in the humdrum hurly-burly
crashing the cracking skull against the sidewalk
now you're lost in the silken spider-webs of Maya
never to find yourself again
while the onlookers
fondle your transvestite's rags
laughing at your blood.
Author notes
Inspired by "Un Chien Andalou." This isn't entirely a freewrite but it's about half so.
A contest entry
- un chien andalou by divebar.
2000 points, ended August 31, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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your vocabulary seems so specifically chosen that it creates a flow of its own. just reading the words without internalizing them is lovely, but when you look deeper there is such a comparatively simple underlying message. i suppose your poem is like a nut, inside a shell, inside a box, inside a mind. it has many layers. i enjoyed it.
-cassidy
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