I would ask you to promise
to come to my funeral, but
I would only succeed in making you
guilty, when you missed it.
I have better things to do than listen
to the sound of bird’s bones breaking
wings failing to capture the wind with a feather.
I recognize how uncomfortable
you have been. All the kisses, moments
when you leaned on my strength
cannot make up for how embarrassed
you were for me. A lack of grace
can be more of a malediction
than the scar that tears the face.
So you wouldn't have to cry, when love was an arrow,
I gathered your fears and set them upon my shoulders.
When I saw your smiles on alumni day,
I saw you wonder what I still carried.
You were still dancing with shadows.
My hands were to big for my wrists.
My heart has never been small enough
to be forgiven.
11:50 PM
Aug. 5th, 2009
Alexandria, VA
A contest entry
- collateral damage by JinSays.
601 points, ended August 22, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think, what it makes you feel, how you are moved.
Comments
1 - 40 of 40
-
Oh, wow. This is really striking. It makes you think about so much. I really like it all, especially the last stanza. It sticks out to me some how. Thanks for writing, great job
-
-
I have learned that some people never forget how much you loved them in high school even when you never dated or were more than a friend. Sometimes,there are more things they wished they had done or said and denial sets in or the walls that allways keeps it in and love becomes hurt and you are the source and that is as close as I can get to all the nonsense human beings are sometimes.
Glad you appreciated this. It is a little different angle on a funeral. I looked at the survivors because life is about the living and Don wouldn't give two shits about a poem about him even if he were alive.
Peace,
Tom B.
-
-
holy shit, how did this not win gold. This is pretty brilliant.
-
-
Appreciate the vote of confidence.
Peace,
Tom B.
-
-
this is a well versed and beautifl write. it brought back some sad memories. but still i like.
-
-
It is a sad poem and I have come to realize that I said good by to part of my past with this poem. Glad you enjoyed.
Peace,
Tom B.
-
-
this was beautifully written and I enjoyed every word of it. the first stanza really moved me. thank you for sharing :0)
-
-
The part, we oft' wonder upon, is how we will be remembered. For some -- it is about their doing, where they have been; for me -- it is about how my touches linger upon a heart or how they eyes I opened still see.
Love, Tom B.
-
-
A sadness washed over me as i read your words. We can never regret what we felt at certain times in our life, yet we stand with our thoughts and memories. Maybe tears will fall maybe not at times as these. What we do have left is the wishing to say what must be said.
As you have so tenderly and brilliantly done.
Oh and by the way 59 ..your still in wisdom's youth!
Love,
~LisaP~
-
-
Last year of middle age
I don't regret my youth, though saddened by how quickly the touches are forgotten or put behind. Perhaps, I think to be a friend stands against time but then I forget how the sands can wear against the heart.
Love,
Tom B.
-
-
wow
very moving and touching. so heartfelt...thanks for sharing it was very relateable.
may you be filled with peace!
-
-
You are welcome.
Peace,
Tom B.
-
-
Love the ending. And I REALLY love the imagery in the second stanza; painstakingly beautiful. Thank you for sharing!
[Liz<3] -
-
We are often more frail than we can to admit.
Peace,
Tom B.
-
-
The first stanza could be a poem of its own, I think...I would only succeed in making you guilty, when you missed it...I can imagine a friends, one of them the giver, unable to stop giving, the other unable to genuinely care. It exemplifies that goodness and big bigheartedness can be, sometimes and in some ways, a burden, depending on the situation.
I saw you wonder what I still carried...dancing with shadows...my heart has never been small enough to be forgiven...I found these lines to be especially potent, and think they wrap the poem up very nicely in a beautifully resigned package. Thank you for sharing this, I very much enjoyed it!
-
-
I almost made the first stanza its own poem, but it felt unfinished. Friends are sometimes of the moment. It does not make them less but when you return the connection is gone. I am over the thing about caring too much. I do it cause I do. Thanks for the very well written and thoughtful review, it is a gift.
Peace,
Tom B.
-
-
"I would ask you to promise
to come to my funeral but
Would only succeed in making you feel
Guilty when you missed it"
Love this first verse. It sets the tone for the whole poem. Emotional, touching write. -
-
Thanks
-
-
This is amazing and sad at the same time. I'm not one to cry over alot of poetry but this one did make tears come to my eyes. It's hard loosing friends at any age. I really hope this didn't happen but if it did i'm sorry for your lose. You have penned a very amazing write. I love it.
-
-
I just turned fifty-nine. Deaths are becoming a little too common. But I would have to be dead inside not to be deeply touched by each one. Thanks for the review.
Peace, Tom B.
-
-
A terribly poignant and beautifully written piece, my friend
Your words always seem to touch a part of my soul, though...
Wishing you light and love, Sand -
-
We discover that we are not alone, only waiting for someone to listen.
Love, Tom B.
-
-
I have a big lump in my throat now, thanks for that.
all too sad, and real and painful and beautiful. I've been to too many funerals, I dont ever want to go to another. the beginning lines were so raw, I could feel the chafe. Stunning.
love,
jin -
-
I turned 59 last Aug. 10th. I am in my last year of middle age. If there is a dividing line between middle and old, I guess this is it. At what point does friends dieing go from a surprise to expected? None of this is about regret. Regret says that something should of been changed and I wouldn't/couldn't change anything. The dreams we have as adolescents are based in ignorance and self-centeredness.
Your review is a hell of compliment. Cuts to the core of what I was saying all to quickly. Love is always part of my every poem. Learning how to share it, display it, live it always part of my growing up. One of these days when I am whole and mature, then I can tell others how. For now, I can only share the lessons I learn. I am learning many.
Love,
Tom B.
-
-
Friendship crosses over boundary lines. My friends are mine in life and death. I have so many that have passed over before me. The sense of loss is great but the memories outweigh the pain. I feel fortunate and ever blessed to have encountered so many along my journey. I would travel the ends of the Earth to pay my respects when a friend passes on but in the event I could not make it, the respects I paid in life would make me satisfied. I love the sentiments you've chalked on this page Tomis! I recently loss a couple of friends that were like family. I couldn't make their home going services but I know where I'll find them when I cross that threshold. The best to you in the challenge dear brother/friend.
Always & Forever ♥
Renee
-
-
I am fortunate to have a few dear friends. As I have grown older, I have discovered that there are those who love me and I never knew. There are those who I counted as deep friends because I had given them my heart. I, still, don't know. I have too many blind spots from the way I grew up. I am still learning to see. Thanks for all the support.
Love, Tom B.
-
-
This is heart wrenching, Tomis. I guess it's true that some of us are only in other's lives for a while, and then we move into other areas, but I think there is a deeper bond with real friends that allows us to maintain love even when there is distance. I would hope so, but youth is often callow, especially when worth is built on facade.
Your hands were built big to hold hearts, and so you do, and in so doing--give yours away. It does not mean that you are not in need of comfort sometimes, too.
I am sorry for the passing of a friend.
-
-
We come into the world with nothing and at best we can hope to leave with the love of friends. I am often to hard on myself and leave only the walls of lonely to write on.
Love,
Tom B.
-
-
We all live in the same world, circumstances remain good for a few...
Love, Wellbegone
-
-
You have not been with people you once thought you knew and find yourself with strangers?
Tom B.
-
-
This is a very sad poem that makes the reader feel not only the sadness but also maybe something deeper. Very easy to identify with because of how well it makes one truly experience the emotion.
-
-
It is a black sensuality to take one down the road of regrets and leave the taste of rue upon the heart. Thanks for the heart felt response.
Peace,
Tom B.
-
-
The emotion
emitted by the write is very tangible. It is not just a poem to read but to feel. I felt it poet from the very first wonderful stanza.
-
-
We are often caught in the traces of webs woven before we grieved.
Peace,
Tom B.
-
-
Sadness, pain, hurt, all are wrapped up in this poem of yours. The tears fall of their own free will while reading this. Best of luck in the contest, but if they are looking for suffering, sorrow, this will take the gold.
-
-
Friends are forever, but so few of us actually knew what friendship was when we gave away our hearts in high school.
Love,
Tom B.
-
-
nicely penned emotions
memories have a way of slapping us in the face...so if you don't go it's true you will feel guilty as charged. Then again I think we tend to do what is expected of us. I could feel you in a unique dispair of pain & surprise...I have walked in these shoes many times before...with reaction much like your own.....novy
-
-
We make so many connections as children and discover as adults that many were only promises that dried up when the need for water is gone.
Thanks for finding so much in so few words,
Tom B.
-
-
Oh my god this was absolutely wonderful...the picture u painted for the reader or at least for me personally was gorgeous the pain, emotion, and disappointment the speaker found speaks volumes. I can relate easily and with equal emotion based on my own life. Always there for others, yet others are never there for u... I wish my words were as powerful and heart wrenching as yours. Beautifully done!
-
-
We are half responsible and the rest is a reaction to what happens. Glad you enjoyed this self centered echo while at another's ending.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 40 of 40
