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our neverland

you told me to look for you
underneath that star
that one we found that night
when we stayed up for so long
we fell asleep together forever
at first sight
of first light

i'm alone now
and watch the barren sky
im looking for our neverland
our island
shining in the sky
where time stands still
and together forever we'll stand
the space between our toes
filled with soft white sand

Author notes

previously posted in a 'bits and pieces' collection that i didnt intend on finishing, i realized this didnt really need any finishing, so im posting it as its own poem. hope you like it!

ask anything, any comment is nice. hate it or love it, just let me know.

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Not-The-Sun silver member
    October 2

    Edit | Reply
    "watch the barren sky
    im looking for our neverland
    our island
    shining in the sky"

    love this part;

    saw your username and i figured i had to take a look; and i have a poem about neverland too!!! it's clear that I was destined to read and like this poem
    i like the short lines here with no punctuation; i don't read a lot of poetry like that, and it is only executed well some of the time. this is one of those poems that it works for : ) and great diction!
    nice work!


    • I.am.the.sun.
      October 2
      Edit | Reply
      haha yeah, i guess it was destiny! i once met a guy on another site with the same name as me just different capitals it was pretty cool. i'll have to read your neverland sometime


  • AbundantBetrayals
    September 10

    Edit | Reply
    I like the way this is written and i love the power behind the words
    it was beautiful and heartfelt well done
    ~bETRAYALS


  • nursesandyny
    September 2
    Edit | Reply
    This was a good way to remind us to remember with fondness. thanks!


  • Manofconstantsorrow
    September 1
    Edit | Reply
    Very choice dude. Don't stop, I look forward toreading more of your writes


  • A m b r e a
    August 29

    Edit | Reply
    Very visually pleasing! I love this! My only critique would be in the first stanza you say "that" quite a few times. Other then that! (hahaha...get it? okay I'm totally done) it was beautiful!

  • Juno101
    August 29
    Edit | Reply
    its very sweet and its a very nice poems with a couple creative lines. Good job.


  • laurel
    August 13
    Edit | Reply
    at first sight
    of first light
    ^
    loved that.

    this is really a gorgeous poem =)


  • Mellindrae
    August 10
    Edit | Reply
    lovely. I adore the ending, it's beautiful.


  • The-punk-princess
    August 6
    Edit | Reply
    Aww... I love it
    It's sweet and flows brilliantly!
    Great job! keep on writing!


  • celestial
    August 5

    Edit | Reply
    O wow. I really like it. This is so sweet. It's very intimate in a sense that a special place is shared between two lovers. Very romantic. I especially like these lines " And together forever we'll stand/The space between our toes/Filled with soft white sand" Very passionate write ♥

1 - 12 of 12