No more tears,
but my body is shaking,
Can't stop my fears,
why are you not here
by my side,
Where you should be,
Always here Protecting me.
With you I am safe,
the worlds not a danger,
I'm lost without you,
To myself I'm a stranger
I the night,
tears haunt my cheeks,
Memories of you,
keep me from sleep
I know your not gone,
your only away,
But I don't think
I can stand this
For even one more day
Come home to me,
be by my side,
bring me back my hope,
my pride.
I'm nothing here all by myself,
Save me from the doubt
Save me from
Myself
A contest entry
- Make me cry by paper-rose.
400 points, ended August 12, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
written for my love while he was away for 2 weeks. Do you think the thought "I cannont live without you" is expressed well
Comments
-
Very nice, it really expresses that sensation people feel when they're at the height of romance and left alone for any period of time. As you grow into a relationship, those kinds of feelings should fade (as is healthy), but as the love is young and fresh that person becomes your everything. Bravo.
Since you ask for constructive criticism, here's a few little grammar and spelling things that might improve your poem. Line 9, I think you meant to say "world's" not "worlds" (i.e. the possessive, not implying there's more than one world). Line 12, I think there's a typo there, since "I the night" doesn't make much sense. Did you mean to say "In the night"? Line 16 and 17, your should be "you're" (contraction of "you are").
I really liked your choice to capitalize "Protecting" in line 7. I also like that you chose to put "Myself" by itself at the end of your poem. Altogether it flowed very nicely and was pleasant to read. Thank you for sharing!
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