I feel betrayed.
You don’t come around anymore like you once did.
You’ve changed yet again.
I was dumb enough to believe you’d
stay
this time.
I stand here on the outside, looking in.
My g r e a t e s t FEAR has come true.
But I am not afraid.
Just empty.
A contest entry
- Prewrites. by Antebellum.
400 points, ended November 14, 201 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I liked it, but...
... It seemed a bit confused, sprayed out. It was as if you wanted to use an ounce rather than a pound. Also, spreading out the words in this way makes the piece lose focus. I liked the subject matter, and I would hope that you expand on this. Perhaps switch the last line with the one before it, as in (I am not empty, just afraid).
Thanks,
EH
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... I'm not afraid. I am empty. That is why I did not switch the words.
It's supposed to be sprawled out, it's what I aimed for- to fade in and out, to be lost and disoriented to everyone else but myself. =] It's just words in my brain.
Thanks for the comment though!
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I know that feeling as well,
and it's hard to come to
terms with but we do..
and like you said, it just
feels moreso empty then
us being afraid.
wonderful write Sarah
Best of luck & thanks for entering
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Oh this is so very sad. That last line is so raw and honest and that's really that feeling when a close reltaionship ends.
Very well penned.
Gaylene
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Thank you for taking the time to read my work!
=]
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Dark and very strong emotions. This was rather good to say the least. Thanks for entering and best of luck!
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Oh thanks!
I actually just replaced it with a different prewrite... =\
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Very strong dark emotions in this wonderful write dear Sarah true poetic soul verse
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Thanks...
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