where life has spread like jam
across hot buttered hips
i once had them
underneath supple hands
you don't seem to mind
things pop and creak
& complain about the price of this and that
body simple
body mine
i make you my beautiful laundry
fold the sheets across my bed
springtime is never outside now for the old lady
Author notes
title is lyrics from the Tower of Song by Leonard Cohen, best version sang by Marianne Faithful
A contest entry
- the sailors say "brandy, you're a fine girl what a good wife you would be" by Cat.
10000 points, ended September 4, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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congrats girly girl
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Okay I shouldn't have peeked at Mary's comment but I tend to agree about the ending those two lines are so strong and I find the last one a little awkward but can't quite put my finger on it - it may just be following those two phenomenal lines that precede it. Although I can appreciate the imagery in that last line. I wonder if you moved it to before "i make you my beautiful laundry" those two lines just make me envious. And I love the sentiment, truly.
j
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of course you are right jan.. that line is too important to be discounted.. but placement of those others would just be eye popping..
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the title drew me in because it conveyed my sentimemts for this morning, and as i read it, it touched me deep because there was the exact emotions i was feeling. you have a way of doing that when you write. this is the one that will stand out as the top of the line for me.
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gosh.. i just love this one too.. this is gonna be tough..
one thought.. i think it should end with that crazy, indelible, wonderful line..
i make you my beautiful laundry
fold the sheets across my bed
---because girl.. that there line makes me remember why i love poetry
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I like this except
I'd never be ashamed to love this song, Gill
in my top 3
reiki good
on my way to wellness
cheers nurse
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Good work on this. I liked the imagery presented in this poem. The ending was good too!
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Wow, this has such an natural feel to it, human interest is always strong fodder for poetry.
All the best,
mj.
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i think i forgot the clappies!!!
here have the clap lol
oh after this posted i see i did it... OOPS...
man i am getting old! lol -
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hehheheheh
aawwwww thank you Heidi... i kinda like the clap.. thanks
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oh as i age i find the familiar in this...
so many really strong images and lines
i like the feel to the first stanza... warm and inviting almost bittersweet too
then the aged beauty that comes from two who do truely adore eachother
to the acceptance of what you can do and give in the now...
really beautiful
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love the title and all of this, gilly. yeah, we change and our bodies, our skin and our hair too, lol. i wrote this last year (part of a poem):
"we are not precise. these bodies
carry marks of close shaves
and survival – narrower in places,
wider elsewhere. we are firm-free."
but the ability to love ...that only gets better with time - and it shows here on this page. the last stanza made me think of white linen...nothing like a beautiful bed and what goes with it
yep, me like this very much
~ Nicolette
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This old body, as worn out as it seems, is still full of vim and vigor... gray hair and all. So what if there's hair where it shouldn't be and none where it should be. The important stuff is still there and fortunatly has someone besides myself to appreciate it.
On the other hand, maybe he's blind
Best of luck in the contest, Gill
Dee
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this is amazing Gill! i love it. esp. the sheets part.
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thank you so much tara
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Matters not what sounds you hear when all of you is consumed in the silence of a loved one's eyes..I can't remember who said that but it fits
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you're a doll
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i love this poem Gil, a convergence of events leading me too it. Seeing people I hadn't seen in 30 years, my own issues with aging, and the fact I watch Leonard Cohen last night on PBS put me in the perfect state of mind to take this all in...
i simply adore the final stanza
al
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thank you Al... we seem to be getting older by the day lolololol
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springtime inside is love, no matter how old a body is.
i must say, i like my gray hair!
and other old parts, as well, actually...
a good poem.
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i keep hiding my grey hair for now... lolol
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For any good man to have a demonstrative semblance of intelligence, he would have to tell you "Nonsense, my Darling. You're more lovely than ever." Hell, I've been popping and creaking since I was 18.
Arthritic knees and librarians kneeling to shelve books are a constant source of entertainment, don'tcha know.
Good luck in Mary's contest, Sweetie.
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me too luv... and he doesn't seem to mind at all... lololol .. good job really!! lololol
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