[blush]
you were as much an ivory statuette as your ancestors, but pleasant and malleable and wholly desirable. so like me, i thought, down to the light, avian wrists and jade eyes.
you could have been a dragon, (shedding scales in the dark, dark, dark), but you hoarded sorrow before gold.
you knew exactly when to not kiss me. i wanted you more, for that.
[bitter]
you were the absolute worst kind of friend - perfectly devoted, and content with nothing but the ultimate.
vulgarity was the medium of your art, and you achieved its perfection; you created something that had no meaning beyond itself, and the outside was just the inside.
i never thanked you for being one of the worst things that has ever happened to me...
i should have.
[blank]
you were possibility. unrealized.
[bent]
you were the triumph of chance over fate - and the victory of lust over chance. your red-laced hands were the cradle that nurtured some of the best parts of me.
they also cherished my deepest hatreds.
[bargaining]
you were everything i desired without being what i wanted. you loved me enough to let me go, and it worked too well.
we only ever had sex once, but almost every night we were together, the words that slipped out from between our lips were just as violent and desperately misguided as our bodies were that night so long ago.
whatever seed of beauty lurked within me blossomed under your breath and in the dim effulgence of your eyes, so wide and alluring in the dark.
(and then you FUCKED him)
(and then you FUCKED him)
(and then you FUCKED him)
(and then you FUCKED him)
you made me your equal, your opposite, and that was our undoing, because it gave me the power to deny you.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Holy crap
"you were everything i desired without being what i wanted. you loved me enough to let me go, and it worked too well."
Do you have a club with t-shirts?
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I wish Allpoetry would give a person the ability to post physical feeling and face expression for comments and critiques, because I truly have no words that would be sufficient enough in conveying how much I enjoyed this work. It is mostly because every part seems to carry with it a violent sort of emotion as if I can hear you screaming it out loud while you were writing it.
Love the B words. I was sort of hoping you'd leave [blank] as BLANK and the repetition at the bottom is good but I feel that it should be a disappearing echo sort of. Instead of repeating the entire thing, I read it as repeating the last two words. The way you'd hear it if you stood on the Grand Canyon and screamed it.
-Reni
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I am pleased to see you again and as always I adore your comments. Not only are they honest critiques, but they always seem to highlight portions that I struggled with or about which I made particular decisions.
Whenever I put repetition into a piece, I almost don't expect the whole thing to be read, or at least, I don't expect each line to be read and savored individually. I feel, as I'm sure most writers do, that there is a certain cadence that my work is supposed to be read at, a voice, if you will, that it should be heard in. Repetition is supposed to be some sort of elongation or a focus point for a sentiment. I recall one of my earlier poems that had a long string of repetition which was not enjoyable to you, because you thought it gave a sense of haste to an otherwise slower piece, whereas (and I finally realised this today) I intended it to be reflective of the raindrops in a breath, if you will; something that draws out and extends the feeling of serenity. And again, maybe it worked, and maybe it didn't. For this piece, though, I wanted the repetition to be like a shout in a quiet monologue. The reader isn't really supposed to read the other lines; they know that it's the same thing and it just is the echo.
I suppose what I'm saying is that I think the way you read it is the way I wanted you to read it, even though I didn't write it the way I should have written it to make you read it that way in the first place. Or something.
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these could all be different people or all the same person. one person can do a lot of crazy things to someone's life, after all.
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no words. amazing writing as always.
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well fuck....
I knew there was a reason I added you to my fav's.
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