A prominent scar hidden by the ticking of time
Lost on others but burns in my mind
Memories flood back with but a fingers touch
Slowly losing my mind as the scar becomes bloody once again
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What did you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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i can actually figure out d story u r telling thru the 4 lines... good job!!!
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WOW . . . its strong and short it makes me think of somethings
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I've actually written a poem quite similar to this. A bit longer though. lol. But I actually like that you kept it short. We write such long poems that tell us these ellaborate stories,(Of which case, I can guilty on) but you tell it in just four lines. And leave it to the reader to figure out the rest. I like it.
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Wow, so powerful and profound in so little words. I love the flow of this and the rhythm its beautiful & I can really relate.
Great work! Keep writing
x
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Thank you and I will.
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amazing reminds me of something you're a great writer
in so few words you say so much -
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Thank you for your words. I do like to write in simplicity and deep.
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youre amazing
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The first line confuses me. How can you be prominent and hidden? I really like the way the second line flows. “With but a fingers touch” is leaning a bit towards the cliché, do you think you could try to reword it? In the last line, I think you meant “losing.” You said “the” twice. Can scars become bloody? I thought that a scar was when a wound heals, something that just serves as a reminder? Or am I to assume from the poem that the author caused it bleed again—in which case, I think that needs to be made more clear.
This is just my humble opinion :]
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'Hidden by the ticking of time' is a play on words... maning that I use a watch to hide the scars that mark my wrist.
Thank you for the comment on the rest, I did change the errors, but the rest will remain tthe same. Your opinion is welcomed. -
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It makes a lot more sense when you explain it like that. Maybe if you said "a prominent scar, hidden..." it would've come across a little better. But thank you for clearing that up, either way.
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I will do that thatnk you.
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wow, time does heal all scars, and all you need is that one thing to bring it all back. this to me is a great piece
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YAY IT IS A ME POEM...LOOOOOOVE IT! well written kiddo...much <3...scars.
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