Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Open your Heart

You peered with weak
Undelveloped eyes, blue
                transparent
Wearily you observed
Taking in so much in
All at once

Someone speaks
Someone steps
Someone swings
And someone swims

Then you, a litter bigger
Seeing stronger
with sponge vision
Take a turn

Talking in trembles
Moving in manuvers
Pumping at parks
And splashing in shallows

You opened up those eyes
Now open up that heart
It's th eonly way to
See your own life

A contest entry

Verdict?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • luna-midnight gold member
    August 21

    Edit | Reply
    okay i really like this and its powerful. a small grammatical error in the last stanza though with th eonly. i think you meant the only*
    but this has great content. i really like the eye ideas
    Stephanie ♥


  • pineapple-eyes
    August 11
    Edit | Reply
    Doh, I don't get it,so sorry to say.


  • SpydurPoet gold member
    August 5

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. That is amazing. Truly incredible.
    Great emotion and imagery. The only thing I can suggest is that in the second to last line, there is a typo.
    Best of luck in the contest.
    Write on.
    ~*~SP~*~

  • Matthaysom
    August 5

    Edit | Reply

    enjoyed !

    Didn't get last two lines straight away, after readind again I got IT. Think differant title might help, still a thought provoking poem. Well done !