You peered with weak
Undelveloped eyes, blue
transparent
Wearily you observed
Taking in so much in
All at once
Someone speaks
Someone steps
Someone swings
And someone swims
Then you, a litter bigger
Seeing stronger
with sponge vision
Take a turn
Talking in trembles
Moving in manuvers
Pumping at parks
And splashing in shallows
You opened up those eyes
Now open up that heart
It's th eonly way to
See your own life
A contest entry
- For my favorites by pineapple-eyes.
1000 points, ended August 11, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Verdict?
Comments
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okay i really like this and its powerful. a small grammatical error in the last stanza though with th eonly. i think you meant the only*
but this has great content. i really like the eye ideas
Stephanie ♥ -
Doh, I don't get it,so sorry to say.
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Wow. That is amazing. Truly incredible.

Great emotion and imagery. The only thing I can suggest is that in the second to last line, there is a typo.
Best of luck in the contest.
Write on.
~*~SP~*~

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enjoyed !
Didn't get last two lines straight away, after readind again I got IT. Think differant title might help, still a thought provoking poem. Well done !



