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Hope's Flame

Though dungeon rank may hold my fragile frame
or crush the brittle bones that guard my heart
and force my final breath from me depart,
no hand can choke my blazing soul aflame.

Though lying tongues assemble to defame
or gather shame to heap upon my back
and strip me shorn- no cover left intact,
no hand can choke my blazing soul aflame.

When flesh is waste and my defeat proclaimed,
my wing’ed grace will float above it all,
for love’s majestic trump will splendor call-
no hand can choke my blazing soul aflame.

Though dungeon rank may hold my fragile frame,
no hand can choke my blazing soul aflame.

Author notes

Kyrielle Sonnet with rhyme scheme AbbA accA addA AA

Prompt:
The picture here shows Klaus Kinski as Kostoyed the anarchist, from David Lean's film Dr Zhivago. In the scene which Kinski steals, he is in chains, but declares himself to be a free man, as though he is the only truly free man present.



That's what I want you to run with. Rhymed or unrhymed, metred or unmetred, give me freedom. Rise to the artistic challenge.

In a list

A contest entry

Comments welcomed

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Mairi bheag gold member
    August 16

    Edit | Reply
    A well-constructed kyrielle sonnet. I think the only problem I have is with the grammar of line 3. It's an inversion (which is a device that makes me uncomfortable in the 21st century), but it's the use of the verb "force" which is the real problem; it demands an infinitive of the verb which follows, thus : "force... to depart". That wouldn't fit your metre, and I can understand why you want a stronger word than the obvious choice - "bid". In line 10 I would prefer to see "wingëd", if you want to make the word into two syllables.

    Overall - okay you haven't seen Zhivago - you have taken what you see of the man, his desperate courage, his defiance, and have written it straight from the heart. I think you have probably missed the hint of madness there, though. That's always there in Kinski's acting.

    Thank you - great entry, much appreciated.


    • Nickelspring gold member
      August 16
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the honest and helpful comment.
      On winged- I wanted it to be 2 syllables, didn't know how....
      Thanks for a great prompt, it got me out of a writing slump-
      K


  • jinglingjoy
    August 6

    Edit | Reply

    very good

    persistence, fortitude, grit, hope, tenatiousness, fire, resolve, great flow, heart, the very things depicted on Kinski's face. you rock

    jingle

    • Nickelspring gold member
      August 6
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! I'll admit, I've never seen 'Dr. Zhivago' (shhh, don't tell anyone....) so I just went from the feeling described of freedom.
      Thank you for your comment and visit!
      K


  • Life is a Beach gold member
    August 4

    Edit | Reply
    Exellent! "no hand can choke my blazing soul aflame" Ain't that the truth though?!! The soul can never be contained nor can it be destroyed! Well done!
    Pam

    • Nickelspring gold member
      August 5
      Edit | Reply
      The soul -indestructible but it can be dampened and damaged if we let it....
      Thanks for the lovely comment and visiting
      K


  • Truetome
    August 4

    Edit | Reply
    love the rhymes scheme here ... and stanza three gave me a spiritual reminder of sorts. A most creative and thoughtful write. LOVE,


  • Ceridwens Soul silver member
    August 4

    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done K. Excellent choice of refrain, adding extra depth and poignancy to your take on the prompt.

    Good luck in the contest.

    Ceridwen's Soul


  • Nymphetemine
    August 4

    Edit | Reply
    This is a great poem.. The rhyme is wonderfully put together.. I like the repeitition of : no hand can choke my blazing soul aflame..
    As a reader of the poem I felt drawn like a moth to a flame...

    Though lying tongues assemble to defame
    or gather shame to heap upon my back
    and strip me shorn- no cover left intact,
    no hand can choke my blazing soul aflame.

    I love this verse.. it is so sad, yet it shows a deep resolve not to be put down..
    Good luck in the contest...
    Wonderful write...


    • Nickelspring gold member
      August 4
      Edit | Reply
      Well, hun, you know me.. dark but with a touch of hope.
      Thank you as always for your lovely comments
      K


  • LettersFromtheSky
    August 4

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm, I like the prompt. Being free, but still in chains physically. I like your take on the prompt as well, triumph over oppression, etc. Background is perfect as well. Best wishes in the contest!

1 - 15 of 15