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By the sea she waits.

She waits by the shore.
As the sea crashes along the sandy  land,
she howls  in the wind in sorrow
as her tear drops dance with the rain.

Light comes and goes,
darkness covers her soul.
Her wild hair moves angrily with the wind
causing destruction wherever it pleases.

 

Empty eyes look upon the black shore
with the moonlight gently guiding her sight
into a ruined shore of bleakness.

Her lips move but silence covers the land
No more tortured cries can be heard from
her for him to return,

The lighthouse dazzles
eagerly searching for boats
to come into the lonely shore

Driftwood comes one by one
sending silent messages of
the lost.

Days come and go.
Months pass one by one.
years drift by
but she waits until he returns.

longing to be held in his arms once more.

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Comments

  • drcerulea
    August 6

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    Good imagery

    I agree with the other comment about word choice, but I would also definitely say this poem is very good at painting an image in your mind so that you can really see what is happening.

  • I think you should definitely look at your word choice. Not exactly your main words, but your adjectives and filler words. By repeating the same adjective or filler, the poem loses quality.

    Like in the third stanza:
    Empty eyes look upon the black shore
    with the moonlight gently guiding her sight
    into a empty shore of bleakness.

    You use the word 'empty' to describe her eyes AND the shore. I like the ideas in this poem but i got snagged on the repeating words so close together.

    To me it sounds like a woman is waiting for [ her husband? ] to come back from Sea, and his wooden boat washes up on the shore piece by piece. Although years have passed, she can't let him go.

    Overall I like it alot! Sorry for the lengthy comment!

    Great work, Keep writing!
    - Cass

    three clappies for you!