sometimes i feel you
crawl into
the contractions of my breath,
clinging to my life
as if your own
could not support you,
and i breathe you in
until you are whole again.
there you hover
between my lips
and over my eyelids
whispering love notes
without sound,
and a finger slides
along my face
like a loose draft
of quickly fading smoke,
lifting my chin where
it had begun to droop.
you are
white against the
midnight greys and blues
and when i am lost,
i follow the glow
of your passionate love-
afire like streetlight
until the sky becomes
a blend of you and i.
like a kiss- forming
and rolling over my tongue,
but ever hanging
less than full,
you are the moon
nestled inside of me,
guardian of my
trembling lungs
and pulsing heart-
keep them in your arms;
live within me
and i shall fill you
with new breath.
Author notes
for him
A contest entry
- Eightfold Invitational #2 by sideways hourglass.
800 points, ended August 13, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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love the details.. great little snippets paired with a flow that makes the whole piece work... amazing. especially loved the first stanza, and phrases like "whispering love notes without sound" and "afire like streetlight / until the sky becomes / a blend of you and i." the way you ended it was the last knock out punch... very well done.
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this fills my heart with joy. all so... poetic.
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you bring love back into the world with your poems. what a great gift.
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This is gorgeous; I love the way you start with something personal, intimate, and it grows and grows until probably my favorite line - 'until the sky becomes / a blend of you and I'. You have a great way of suggesting imagery - you don't hammer it out with over-detail, just enough that it makes me think. This is a very ethereal write, almost spiritual, and so authentic; I can't imagine this being written by someone who has never known love. Beautiful write.
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This is excellent. I love the ending. The whole piece flowed perfect from start to finish. Congrats on placing.
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Arguably the best you've ever wrote for any of my contests...I really felt your heart in this one and that is what kept me glued. And of course the metaphors and imagery were stellar too...and I think it is the way you balanced it throughout, that is what gave this such strong power. Well done, Cass. It's brilliant.
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good luck in the contest my fav part was the end sort of a questionable thought
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Ah, this is deeply lovely. I admit both proud and fearfully that I have the same feeling. If he failed to see a reason to want to live I would gladly give up flesh blood bone for his needs and wants. Lovely. <3
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Thank you love...
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glad youre in number 2 and not 1. this is fantastic. i havent read the others, but im predicting gold
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