I see a scared little girl when I look out my window
Someone had her pressed to her window and was castigating her till she screamed and cried and pounded her fists on the glass.
As I see her bruised and cut face I just want to run over there and save her
But I can’t ,for I’m locked away in this room living and breathing only to be a personal punching bag myself.
Seeing her helpless face almost sickens me.
Then The Man came into my room.
He presses me up against the glass just like the girl.
But I don’t scream and cry I just watch the other girl and feel everything that she does
Then her banging fists break the glass
And for some reason mine breaks too
As blood runs down my hands I look down at a shard of glass and I see the girl
Then I wipe a tear off my face and realize that it wasn’t a window at all
But I was pressed against a mirror.
what do you think?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is such a sad poem, but I like how you made a story into a poem. That's pretty cool. It is really sad, and everything is described really well. I could feel the pain as I read the poem. Great Poem!
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I liked it, it said a lot without really saying anything. It was short i mean, yet really powerful. Great Job
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Great poem but it is so... so .... idk painful
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i feel the pain
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this has a lot of imagery in it, there was a lot of parts i liked like...
As blood runs down my hands I look down at a shard of glass and I see the girl
Then I wipe a tear off my face and realize that it wasn’t a window at all
But I was pressed against a mirror.
love that part.
but yea i agree with below it was choppy and could have a better flow. but i still love it. i just think that would make it better as well. and the formatting as well.
well done though. -
i like how you took this story and made a poem out of it, but i think the flow could have been better. it seemed choppy in some places. Also, you went into just a little detail and sometimes I wished that you would have said more. Overall, very good write
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Hey, love the story in your words, very clever, love the imagery as well, i think you did really good xxx
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I think you need to break up the sentences a little more it just all blends in together and loses the rhythm, you have great structure to the poem, I really enjoyed it just needs some work...much <3...scars.
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