Greiving Ghosts

What happened?
How was I so blind?
Is there something wrong with me.
Something so broken in my radar
That I could lose decades.
Like so many grains of bitter salt
Running through my helpless fingers.
Am I broken?
Am I stupid?
Am I so naive and wide eyed
That I am ready to believe anything anyone tells me?
At fifteen I bound my soul to another over a lie.
At thirty I fractured my mind to break free.
To be a butterfly again
Gentle and awake.
Fifteen months later ... I was ensnared again.
I saw the lies then and didn't care.
I saw the signs and chose to stay.
Like a docile beast offering it's throat
To a blood sucking bat.
And though the diseased bite still burns in my veins.
I still knew why I stood knee deep in my own spilled blood
To wait ... to endure ... for more years.
To wait for the flower to bloom.
God help me ...
This is it ...
There's no turning back.
I've burned my ships.
I've spent my last gold coin.
To plant myself in the grass.
To become a whispering tree.