The Unexpected

Steel gates slam shut before me
Barring way toward my intention
I feel my eyebrows purse, jaws bear down like a vise
Was old Michael Finnigan ever wise?

An instant disbelief overwhelms me
My hands clench in fists of rage
Angry words pour forth like a pent-up flood
Addressing the inanimate object of my wrath

Questions of “Why?” fill my mind in turn
“Is there purpose to this offensive wound?”
So desperate to undo, rather than learn
My chasm becomes the belly of Jonah’s whale

Alone in the light of an awkward moment fire
Guilty shame replaces disbelief
O’er all the senseless flames of my ire
Consciousness taunts back, “Self is to blame”

The child I am stands anxious and aware
Countenance falls, “I’m not alone”
He knows that God is observing, always there
No place in the world to run to and hide

O peaceful comfort of this consistency!
Confidence builds, so sure of his love for me
God sees the turning of my heart
Always the Father I’ve needed him to be

Calming sense of triumphant peace
Breaking suffocating weight of guilt’s chains
Forgiveness like a rush of fresh air, release
Content to be my Father’s son

Too often I've been here
Hoping to remember, whence comes my "next time"
Thankful for God's grace to go on
I begin again