a thousand-ill played
choices flicker past in whirls of
color parcels
of memory tucked
away and forgotten
dragged into the light to be torn apart—
the stench of fear as each package rips chokes the air
from my throat to better taste
the acrid bite of regret
a thousand pictures and
millions of fragmented memories called to light
by each one—sad happy joyous
awkward bitter
but mostly just the yellow
reek of fear
they were just people i was so scared
i never noticed the whole—i saw
hands flashing cliques congealing and
undulating glimpses and double entendres
meant to deceive and even
the eyes lied
but they were just people just faces
in neat little rows lined
up like ducks ready to be shot they
were just people like me in
a brick box dreaming of summer
love strings of a a a a a a a on a slip of paper being
on the team sitting at that table
at lunch
just faces in a row that i can close
the book on and forget or
open and remember the
fear, the fear,
the fear of faces
Comments? Questions? Concerns? Jokes?
Comments
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Excellent stream-of-consciousness write, with intense emotion.
Excellent word choices, "acrid bite of regret".
Outstanding imagery "hands flashing, cliques congealing and undulating glimpses and double entendres meant to deceive and even the eyes lied"
Excellent school imagery "in a brick box dreaming of summer"!
S3 L5 you might choose something yellow that has negative overtones, instead of the neutral adjective. Perhaps 'sallow' or 'sulpherous' or 'jaundiced' or...?
I don't understand what is meant by "love strings of a a a a a a a a on a slip of paper"
Last stanza, what do you think of "faces in rows that i can close" (yearbooks usually have more than one row), and perhaps something on the line of
"open and revisit the fear..."?
Very intense and predominantly uncomfortable revisitation. Well conveyed.
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