When I got a Cold

Oh how I feel jolly,
As I sit with my head in my hands
This bloody stupid cold
Is spoiling all of my plans!

I planned a fun packed week,
With so many things to do,
The last thing I needed
Was to get the bloody flu!

My eyes were all streamy,
My head was so sore,
Then to make this a perfect week
I bloody feel through the floor!

So the ceiling had a hole in it,
Downstairs was a bloody mess,
Then a knock on the door,
It was Johnny Depp, no less!

I kid you not fair ladies,
I couldn’t believe my luck,
But then I remembered what I was wearing
And exclaimed aloud, oh …!

He wanted to borrow some sugar,
But instead got verbal abuse,
Now don’t be jealous ladies,
I looked like a bloody moose.

Once I’d finished drooling,
I quickly closed the door,
I turned and saw the squashed remains,
My poor cat was under the floor!

You may now be thinking,
That this week had been the worst,
But just wait till you hear my story,
About the week my husband burst.