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Intangible Love

 

 

 

I love her for the intangibles
The caressing jesting smile
Laughter with impeccable style

Ardent trove abounding immeasurables

 


She bears twofold my weight in feed
With might as grand as red barn
Packing hay bigger than my yarn
Just what's needed to prolong the breed


Within stride determined as fair day
Unconquerable as old sol
Over abundant radiant glow
Upon gentle breeze my heart does sway



A contest entry

Um Pa Pa

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • daffodilblossom
    October 21

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    i luv...

    when you do prompts your work is astounding i am however not brave enough for the prompts


  • mravinsky08
    October 21

    Edit | Reply
    There are some good things here. I think you have a spelling error in the final stanza; I think you meant "soul" instead of "sol". Now that that's out of the way, the rhyme scheme was quite nice and elegant, graceful. Second stanza could use a little bit of revision. In general, it's not as strong as the other two. Perhaps this is because you were preoccupied with rhyming the words at the end. Have a think about it and see what you decide to do. Enjoyable read and congrats on this poem.


    • natchstucco
      October 21
      Edit | Reply
      Sol, as in the sun in spanish. yes and perhaps the rhyming could use some work.

  • Awesome...

    Great take on the prompt...
    Strong narrative with great imagery & some wonderful word choices that makes for an enthraling read...
    Keep up the good work...
    Well done!!!


  • Poetic Tasha Moderators member
    August 4

    Edit | Reply
    as always you have a uniquely different take on the prompt
    wonderfully written, the first stanza is my favorite of it all.
    many thank yous for entering & best of luck!

    Tasha

1 - 5 of 5