Your seldom seen smile looks foreign
As if rarely worn
Something looms behind your eyes
Distant and forlorn
You talk like its been forever
Since somebody truely cared
But I know things have been hard for you
I know that life hasn't been fair
You may feel cast aside
And you may be forsaken
You may think that nobody cares
But I know that you're mistaken
You act like you were caged so long
You don't remember being free
But I know that I can change that
If you'll give me the opportunity.
Author notes
Eventually there'll be another stanza in there, I think. A rhymer for you, Renee haha.
Ah...I changed that stupid part that made me laugh...might not be a lot better, but at least I don't burst into laughter everytime I see it.
Written March 28th, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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I really like how you start off with talking about seeing it in their eyes..it creates a depth to it as you read the whole thing..very nice
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This is really good and well written, keep writing because this was a great poem with a lot of depth
All the best,
Pozo
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Blah sense when have you had hope? It did appeal to me in that you actully rhymed, (stick with the deep thoughts instead
) Very effective in that it does express the idea that you care dearly for whoever it is, yet me knowing who it is kinda makes me think, "wow why could she care so much for him". Good right regardless.
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I really like this poem, theres loads of people that need to hear this sort of thing coz they've given up! the rhyming really works and makes it flow nicely!! ~lulu~
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Very nice thoughts! It is good to know that we are capable to help someone, the problem is that sometimes friends are not open to get the help we offer
I really liked this poem! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Mari
Edited on Apr 05, 4:47 p.m. because 'typo, as usual
'.
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I love the perspective that you wrote this from, really feels like Im listening to you talk to someone you love, Great, keep it up.
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AHA! i knew id find a poem with a hint of hope in it! it took me a while! but i finally found it! Awsome! i love it!
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Thanks Nat, rhyming is a little strange for me But one question for you...Did this make you think of B?
A/E/S -
amy, i dont think i've ever seen you rhyme a poem before haha. i really liked this. it made me think of B. nice ending. it made me think of B. nice title. it made me think of B. HAHA j/k but still awesome one amy, they all are
love ya gurl -
Wow. . . I read this poem because I entered your contest . . . but now I am really glad that I read it! beautiful words. . . but yeah I laughed too at the hearing impaired part . . . haha. . . great write and awesome idea for a contest!!
~wastedtears~ -
I have to say, I do not know who you are speaking of.
A/E/S -
You talk like its been forever
Since somebody truely cared
Like everyone you've spoken to's
Hearing has been impaired
*You may feel cast aside*
And you may be forsaken
You may think that nobody cares
But I know that you're mistaken
Amy Selvester..... Is this about a certain someone I know?
Well ne way I lovbe this poem and u get applauded!!
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Hey hey great job amy, i can certainly relate to the poem here. you've done a great job and i'm glad you write. I have a question though, "did you set your stanzas up like that intentionally or did it just happen?"
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Great!
Good write, sometimes when you have had the down side of life it is hard to be positive. I really liked this poem, its the first of yours I have read so far so I shall read more. But I like your style so far... GOOd JOB -
excellent
very interesting poem. You are good at puuting your thoughts down, you talk about feelings everyone has had at one time or athother.
PS~the comments are unique too. do you really throw rocks? -
girls are stupid, throw rocks at them!!!....good job Lady...I like how you ended it! it was like you saw the light and got out of the dark...Bravo...
~Ed~ -
You've got a nice sense of closure in there, but if you want to add some more to it, I'm sure it'll be great. I really like the message, it's very powerful. I know what you feel, I've had a friend who gave up on her life, but I didn't want to let go, I kept asking for another opportunity to help. Eventually she got better... Good poem, keep it up.
~Anastasia
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