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Lack Luster

Missing image
Heaven lacks its luster
When imagined without
My souls' companion in the picture

Author notes

Prompt: Heaven
13 words
Photo credit: http://jazzy.deviantart.com/art/heaven-68907233

In a list

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Not-The-Sun
    September 6

    Edit | Reply
    wow, a very deep meaning conveyed here, I like
    It always pleases me when people can take such few words (or an odd number, like 13, at that) and form them into the most meaningful poetry ever.

    Also, I really enjoyed your take on the prompt; I'm sure most writes about "heaven" were about how beautiful it is; most people probably don't consider heaven to be a terrible place, but when parted with a soulmate, heaven means something else.
    Very well penned!


  • The Fun House silver member
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    Very prodound. I like the depth of this piece, it speaks volumes. The image posted, though beautiful, I feel distracts from your poem. the poem alone hold much more powerful. Excellent job here.

  • Oh, my... I think this is my new best favorite write of yours dear!
    You really gave that picture new life, but more importantly you could have posted this piece without that picture and we would have seen that picture ANYWAY because your words paint it in our minds!

    You did a fabulous job with this piece of brevity, I am so proud of you! It seems the more you post the better you are becoming, you are quickly becomig a name to be reckoned with on this site.

    Congratulations on the silver trophy dear, it is well deserved.

    Hugs,

    Mom


  • Rick Weston silver member
    July 31
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful turn of phrase here. well done.

  • I like the flow of this little ditty.

    Congrats on the silver.


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    July 31

    Edit | Reply
    Very beautiful! I love this picture that you
    found here. I hope that you do well with this one
    and thanks a lot for your comment on mine.
    I appreciate it! Good luck to you!




    Jeremy0826


  • islekine gold member
    July 31
    Edit | Reply

    Ahhh...Heaven

    and hell! Well penned!
    Thanks for entering
    Best wishes always!

    and


  • penman gold member
    July 31
    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    Very beautiful word choice. Best of luck in the contest.


  • VelvetWings
    July 31

    Edit | Reply
    Aww, this was a beautiful yet melancholy write. There could be a whole story to this one, but the poem seems complete as it is.
    Did you obtain permission from the artist to repost her image here? I believe it says on that deviation page not to do so without permission.
    ~Sparrow

1 - 16 of 16