On the altar of love we set the candles
Not noticing the shape was not quite true
All we made was a rough edged heart
Like the ragged feelings that came from you
Twisted wax and their flickering light
Struggled to burn with an uneven flame
I gave you every shred of love I had
The tears still fall when I hear your name
The light that shone within your eyes
Reflections from the flames, full of lies
I thought the heat we made was passion
Candles smouldered and hearing your sighs
They fluttered and burned completely down
Leaving only a lingering acrid, smell
Nothing left at all but ice cold wax
Just like my heart at your farewell
Author notes
Prompt: http://rockgem.deviantart.com/art/Blow-them-all-out-111618248
A contest entry
- *--Blow the Candles Out--* by NitroCircus.
426 points, ended August 6, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Oh, this is sad and tragic. Hope it is not about you...
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Oh my, such passion withing this piece, I wonder if it is about someone close to heart, for you certainly make it feel that way... if so my heart goes out to you in this pain... I want to say bravo on such a powerful piece, but seems so inadequate if it speaks of something so personal... but years on this will always be one of your most passionate and excellent pieces... I do hope you are well, Anna-Marie. 'rose' 'hug's
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You have so much raw emotion in this poem and the imagery is brilliant. Congratulations on winning the gold. You earned it cuz.
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I have gone and done something wrong with your stars sorry about that, there should be five there. My apologies, blame it on all this darn rain, it has waterlogged my brain. Anyway.........thank you for your comment Cathy.
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LOL Don't worry about it dear and do try to stay dry.
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Such a sad and deep write that speaks of the pain you felt at this discovery that the love was not returned. I love how you used the candle to show the feelings as the poem progressed and how it followed every fall you felt. Just brilliant in its delivery. Great rhythm and rhyme. Congratulations on the gold.
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I have just noticed a comment you left and I apologise for not replying sooner. Thank you for this and I do appreciate your words very much.
Sheila
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Hi Sheila ! A most passionate , sad and heart touching poem .
Elegantly expressed thru' out ! A work of art for sure , love it !
Thank you for sharing !! Congratulations on your GOLD , so
very much deserved !!
Best always & hugs , Friend Easy
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Thank you Easy. I love to receive your comments. Super photo you have there too, looking great. This poem was only imagination but there again.......... we have all been there at some time or other. Sheila
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the imagery and vocabulary is great! perfect take on the prompt! thank you
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Thank you for your very kind comment. Sheila
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Beautifully done!!!
Great take on the prompt...
Soft, mournful narrative with wonderful imagery & flawless rhyme that tells a sorrowful tale that captivates throughout...
Keep up the good work...
Well done!!!
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Thank you Fritz, a very charming comment. I am having a few personal probs right now and writing is not flowing. I am looking at things and nothing is popping into my mind, I hope it won't last too long. Maybe a break away for a few days back to my home town will kick start me again. I haven't been back there for so many years, since my youngest was 7, now all my grandkids are older than that. So if I am missing for a few days you will know why. Sheila
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You used some pretty awesome imagery and metaphor here Shelia! So much feeling in these words that it caused a lump in my throat as I read your very sad words.
A great writet from a great writer
but you do have a arguement going between my aunt and I on the proper spelling of Alter or Altar and which speeling is is the right one for your meaning LOL...
Love the poem and the author
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Nicole I was wrong and it is now corrected. That is the problem with the spell check when it is still a word. How I manage to read something so many times and yet I still never see the wrong words! I could never get a job as a proof reader. Thank you for stopping by with your comment or I still would not have noticed, probably I never would unless someone else picked it up. Sheila
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Thank you George I am always so appreciative of your nice comments. Sheila
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Nice One! !
A very cleverly written resume' about the deceit and hypocracy involved in a
selfish one sided relationship with some good metaphorical imagery very sad
but these things have to be told Sheila... Best Wishes....George....
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Ohhh what a heartfelt and sad write. The pain of losing the one you love can be one of the most painful feelings we have to endure. Imagery and emotion are so vivid, thanks for sharing, good luck in the contest my friend. Have a wonderful weekend, hugs Theresa
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Thank you for your lovely comment Theresa. I appreciate you stopping by. Sheila
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Very nice ...
and very nicely done. The enjambment is well done, and there are some very good lines here.
Good luck in the contest.
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Thank you for your very welcome comment ecrivain01. I do appreciate it. Sheila
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Wow! You have really created an amazing poem here cuz. The range of emotions is breath taking and the imagery is flawless as well. Good luck with this.
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Thanks Cathy, glad you liked it. Not felt like writing much at all for a few days so I hope this will get me back into it again. Hope all is going well with the house renovations. Sheila
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