I
She dreams amid the depthless id,
a realm of raw potential
drifting at the edge of thought.
Unmanifest essentials
percolate through layered folds of mind
forever just outside the touch of time.
She breathes creation deep in caverns, tucked
far from any insight, guess, or reason.
She seethes formation leagues beneath the waves,
far from hints of light or apprehension.
She is the well from whence the waters spring,
from whence the building blocks of life are sprung.
She is the void from whence the stars are born,
issued forth beyond the scope of scorn.
She sleeps eternal with the night,
giving birth to endless silhouettes
that rise into awareness, taking shape
as all the many forms that move amid the day.
II
He springs to life a burst of light,
exploding pure perception
figures brought to sudden view.
Diversified conceptions
manifest amid a constant stream
that sears the retina with vivid scenes.
He brings discernment high to foggy heights,
making all attempts to clear the distance.
He sings invention miles from the surf,
building means to navigate enigmas.
He is the peak from which the fires spring,
from which the smoke and thunderclap are sprung.
He is a vision, stirred from out the deep,
driven to avoid the sloughs of sleep.
He strives forever with the day,
raising every kind of edifice,
each structure hewn from earth and wood
to shelter nascent notions from the jaws of night.
III
They weave cotillions day by night,
dancing waves of symmetry
that co-arise from mystery
and foam against the light.
Their voices hum with rhythmic steps,
taps and scuffs of unity
reechoed through eternity
among the silent stars.
Arm in arm, from world to world,
they dip and rise, they tuck and twirl,
toe to toe and heel to heel
through galleries of loss.
They sway against impermanence,
reinventing innocence,
and recreating elegance
from water, dust, and ash.
In a list
Thoughts, Feelings, Interpretations, Experience:
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Beautiful.
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The poem is multi-faceted. A multi-faceted poem that expresses so much in life. The characterization of the voices in the piece from first to three gives justice to narrative, an imagery of life - the beginning and progression of things. I can sense individuality and how you gave foundations to each as its own in the first and second. The consolidation of soul in life's coalescence lifts me up in three.
Yes, mornings is correct that this is worth reading and the time spent in investing this piece gives a happy, a bliss of return of investment in the silent business of poetry - the self fulfillment.
Thanks again Sir for sharing an excellent work of art.
HENSLEY
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I never know what to put when I read your work, never know how to frase my coments and concratulate you on your supreame works. You are one of a handfull of poets that I can really apreciate, that I can think "wow they are a poet", you are one of three people who I know can actually write decent works, nit because they want to or can but because they have the means to express them selves wit it and make everyone else fell guitly about not being able to do the same.
Your works are complex and yet so simple in the way of the topic choosen and dedicated to become greatness. I concratulate you and award you with what ever I can muster.
In kind regards
Dryad Enya
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Very kind words. Thank you.
I don't wish ever to make anyone feel guilty. I'd hope that the effort I put into my poetry might inspire others to do the same. It's really effort more so than genius. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that genius is more the product of condition, time, and effort than it is the product of chance genetics. To some degree we can create the necessary conditions, from there it's a matter of time and effort. Not everyone has it. In fact, lately, I haven't had it either. But I will not give up until somehow I do. This is my life path.
Again, thank you. It's nice to know that I have a few dedicated readers out there in the mist.
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I loved teh style this was written in, you did an excellent job makes you feel peaceful kinda i guess thats what i liked about it and the fact that it made me feel free for a few seconds. In the first stanza i found it interisting your use of the word 'id'. was this id as in the psychological term id fromFreuds throry on the Psychodynamic Theory on Personality? or some other reference?
ANyways. Brilliant work.
Cheers
Bells
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Yes that's the "id" alright. But it can be used in other, related, ways as well. In general, "id" refers to the unconscious mind, the collective unconsciousness, or both. Perhaps they're not entirely separable, as Jung posited.
Glad you enjoyed this write.
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Woo! i gots it right. sorry.
yeah i'm studying psyche at the moment so yeah. i enjoy picking up on little things like that.
It is deffinitly an interisting perspective.
Cheers
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I think.
I have not seen this style but I think you did a really good job on this. I found it easy to follow and you do have a true grip on the verbal images that you create. As for me I really would not say change a thing because this reads very well. Others may come up with something but I like this just as it is. So I would say that you are becoming very accomplished.
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Don't worry, CC, I won't change anything. I responded to the long comment before you just now, you might find it of interest?
Glad you enjoyed this. I find I'm especially attached to it myself.
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I see you in the gold member's list and I haven't dropped in yet, so I clicked on your name, read your page, scanned your titles, read your myspace page (570 some odd friends!), and drew some conclusions (all this before actually reading a piece by you), the conclusions will color my interpretation of your piece here, of course... and what were my conclusions about you? (and I know that is important to you by the intro on your author's page, you are interested in the same things I am interested in- how the reader reacted)... My conclusions were that you are not science-based, and are a bit mystical, so I am braced for a bunch of mystical babble! But then again you are a child care worker, so you must have SOME science in you... maybe the mysticism is by choice, and that choice is based on social motivations... ok, so much for the source of my upcoming bias!
Nice layout, my first question was, does each section conform to the same form metrically... for the first two look similar... and comparing the first four lines of the first two sections, I'd say yes so far... and comparing a few more, yes, you are doing fine... my name for this is Structured Meter Variations, differentiating them from classical poetry forms... and I wondered about your method, did you write the first section, and then endeavor to match the second? (that's how I did it, if I recall correctly)... so now that I got that out of the way, I can read your piece, to see if you actually had anything to say or are just playing with words...
but first about your title... what do you define as a 'synthetic ode' (I see you have two prior)... does this refer to the structured meter variation? (then yours is a more poetic, if less descriptive, name for it...! ) and ahhh... the contrast- a she/he piece... I did not notice that until this effort...
a lot of people will look at this with a big blur, see a few big blocks of words, and move on without attempting to read it, and mainly because it is not an I/you piece, which automatically promises emotions, and I've observed that people (especially females) read for 'feeling', i.e. they don't give two bananas about logic...! This piece looks logical, too cerebral for such an audience... but the background and color help 'soften' the presentation, so some females may give it a go, other will just because you're a male, and they're interested... (which means that if you post a pic of you that looks 'hot' you'll get many more 'interested' female readers... but of course this type of reader would have ulterior motives for reading your material)...
OK, I'm finally reading... 'id' (here comes the mysticism!) so the first section is about the 'she', dreaming, and all the near-cliche descriptions of that... but you did present it in a semi-soft mental voice... and your symbolism has a scientific edge to it, owing to the large, hard words scattered about, it is like a scientific mind striving to be poetic, artistic and mystical... (which seems to be a backwards step to me, a lowering of the mind... but I can relate- for me it is trying to create 'magic' in a piece, which does not come naturally to me as it does to some, the artistic 'magic' being a product of an irrational mind, if you ask me...! )
I've just read the 'he' part, and he is quite a practical entity, as opposed to the 'she', who, instead of erecting, is 'giving birth'... very nice comparison, now I'm going back to look for more (getting into the 'depth' of your thoughts, a very uneasy thing for a reader to do! It is like getting 'too close' to you...)
I see that you may have gone line by line with the contrasts... in that case I'd experiment with a side-by-side layout, so the contrasting aspect 'jumps out' and immediately engages the reader... for you see how long it took me to get there! also, as I compare, I have to scroll up then scroll down in your present layout... and now I'm finding that the lack of line breaks makes the comparison difficult for lines 7-13... so I'd suggest breaking up each large block into comparison-friendly smaller stanzas, so one does not have to spend a lot of time trying to 'line-up' the inner lines... after a while one notices that the line indents are the same, and that can be used as a guide for lining-up lines, but that realization may come too late for most readers...
now I'm thinking that the 'she/he' is more than just a literal description of the two genders, that it could be a symbol for two modes of thinking, the 'dreaming' and the 'analytical' (which incidentally also describes you- your mystical and scientific sides, meaning you have an appreciation for the values of both...)
The last stanza presents the great realization- that they work in harmony, this 'she' and 'he', one without the other would, it would seem, perish in this universe... for what is science without imagination and vice versa? (and I have to go google 'cotillions' brb... ah, conjures up 'dancing', nice...)
Now this piece would work just as well with that 'you/I' presentation I mentioned earlier (much, much earlier now, since I've rambled on and on and on... lol) and would maybe impart an additional emotional impact then, and would also draw in the 'you/I' crowd (who read for 'love')...
So.................... nice to meet you after all these years! I did recognize your name, maybe I visited your myspace page before, browsing poets here (for I get a lot of inspiration just by interacting...) but then having been distracted by someone or something... well, if you're mainly scientific, we'll get along; if your serious about mysticism, then... lol I'll keep you at arm's length... (but owning to the balance in this piece alone, I'll guess it may not be necessary)... but there IS another problem- we may be so alike that we'll avoid on another... (as in "this town isn't big enough for the both of us") (a typical male-male reaction, unfortunately...)
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There really should be a quick-comments floating comment field for responding to posts like this. I'll annotate my responses by paragraph. That should work. P1 for paragraph one, and so on:
P1: Not a child worker any more. Back in software development. Science or mysticism are the result of cumulative conditions, rarely choice. Though I will say we do have manifest conditions to choose from. Toward this end, I have made choices that led me toward more mysticism than most. You'll see anything that I feel could relate posted under the "Animism" tag. In fact, I seem to be the only one here who uses that tag.
P2-P3: I'm pretty sure I talk about the synthetic ode a little in my blogged post of this poem at MySpace. There you will find some of the answers to these questions.
P4: The background is actually one of my own creations. It's taken from a photo of a particular type of granite. I found, after much guesswork, a section that could be repeated (tiled) without creating an unsightly crease, then I did the bordering and such. Photoshop stuff. Did the same with the background for Alchemy, a sort of predecessor to this poem. But that one used a picture of raw iron-nickel ore--the name of which eludes me at the moment.
Cerebral, maybe. It's a carefully crafted creation, true, and based on some philosophical pretexts, but it's also intentionally ambiguous. Ambiguity is something I've been playing around with over the past few years (if I had more time to dedicate to my craft, I'd be past this and on to something else already). I'm not concerned about my audience. The way I see it, readers who are able to appreciate my work will slowly but surely gravitate toward what I'm doing. I suppose the trick now is being able to post something with some consistency--an issue of time and energy at the moment.
P5: I've read stuff about logical verses artistic minds and thinking. Genius verses pedantry. In some ways there's a fine line between them. Despite what most would have you believe, the product of genius requires a lot of hard work, and revision. It's the result of each word being mulled over time and again until, at long last, something has been decided upon as being worth holding onto. "Contrast" is a near-perfect piece of writing. But I have posted here far better, and far more emotive. Poetry is a journey, each has its own set of properties, moods, tendencies, and characteristics--poemality. When I work on a serious effort, a relationship develops between me as the author and the poem as an emergent entity. In time, we decide on things together, and I let the poem begin to adopt its own poemality, while I merely guide and suggest. I offer words and phrases, the poem chooses among them. This is very much one such poem. It wants to be something every bit as much as I wanted to say something. Between us, we reached a compromise, and a sense of peace. In the end I merely provide the venues where the poem can assert its being.
P6: Yes, this is a layer of the contrast. Bear in mind also that "he" and "she" are metaphor, and that the poem is entirely allegorical.
P7: Line indents can also be used, to an extent, as a guide to meter and flow. I don't like the idea of breaking up the stanzas into smaller blocks. I'll experiment with that eventually in my synthetic odes, but not yet. First I wish to master this particular approach, then work on fragmantization. I also don't want it to be too easy to see the line-by-line comparisons (which by the way was very, very, very difficult to manage in a poem that also makes heavy use of imagery and metaphor!). So far as I'm concerned, the realization that lines pair up into direct contrasts between parts I and II and that indentation and meter are identical between these stanzas is a bonus for the observant reader. My goal as the poet is to provide the medium; it's up to the reader to notice and perhaps even appreciate the detail.
P8: Bingo. In fact, there are several layers of contrast explored.
P9: And the cotillion isn't just any kind of dance, it's right near the origin of formal partner dancing. Everything from ballroom to square dancing evolved from the cotillion. So this says something, speaks of beginnings, origins. Also, there are many kinds of cotillion dances, which speaks of variation. The cotillion is also a dance of symmetry, which hints at one of the underlying principles behind the poem. I invite you to have a look at a cotillion waltz that's especially well executed. It may give you some added insights: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZm-UQC1kkI
Another thing this stanza attempts to do is illustrate the perpetuity of this particular condition. Not only do the entities complement one another, but they perpetuate one another--they co-arise, co-manifest. Another hint.
P10: No, an "I"/"you" presentation not only would change the tone and tenor of the poem dramatically, but it would violate an important proscriptive rule of the synthetic ode--no personal pronouns.
P11: I think you'll find there's a balance. I like to have a foundation for my serious efforts, which usually means a degree of research into the subject matter inspiring the poem. But, most of my poems are "metaphysically minded", or of a transcendental nature--"animistic", as prefer.
Enjoyed your lengthy response. It's been awhile since I had one of these. If you like to interact in this way, have a look at Rj's poetry and comment in kind on his work, you'll find he's apt to return the favor, and he's especially knowledgeable and well practice in the art of poetry: http://allpoetry.com/Rj
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you mentioned time and energy, yes, a problem for most of us, which reminds me I just had a thought about Internet friends, they are the first to be put on hold when life becomes demanding…!
and what is a synthetic ode? I could go in several directions with that term…! Maybe I should hazard some guesses (mental effort is a good thing! ) Let’s see… something created by a machine? (and if so, it is still a human creation- the human having created the machine)… but the point being the machine is not alive, or more specifically, does not have reproduction programmed into it… but hey, it could, and maybe love programmed into it, too, as a selection tool… (this is an interesting avenue of philosophical thought)… but I’m using ‘synthetic’ here as meaning not created ‘directly’ by human hand/mind/heart… so that is one interpretation- a machine creation…
another interpretation of ‘synthetic’ is a human creation that is insincere- it is just a construct that merely mimics what it appears to be… hence an ‘unfeeling’ piece of pretense…
still another interpretation is using the ‘synthesis’ aspect- drawing from several sources for a certain aspect, such as style or content…
ah, I see you have a definition of it on myspace…
thanks for the Cotillion waltz link, got my imagination going… I see a philosophical write or two there…
I will check out Rj, always looking to expand my vista… thanks…
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First of all your i.d. is hot favourite.
Its the name of a famous ancient Persian king who was very unkind to his people, and the story goes....
Your poems are good, creating magic through simple and common things and reach emotional heights and sensual dleights...
The mathematical angles are also interesting.
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Most kings have been unkind to their people, as are most officials. For the most part, we humans are a mean and petty creature. I have an article posted in my ghazal list that tells how I came to use Zahhar as my penname. Hope you'll find it of interest.
I'm glad you enjoyed this (and others? re: "poems"). Aye yes, I studied a bit before writing this poem, as I did with "Alchemy". I'm hoping to have time to write another synthetic ode soon. They're require, at least for me, a decent breadth of time and energy.
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Outstanding
Well, as a habit, I always try to read between the lines in your writes because it always seems as if there is something hidden in the deeper shadows that crowd your mind Erin. I am not getting a sense that these are real beings until they meld. In III I see them as whole, unbreakable but in I and II I am getting the feeling that they are more of an illusion, maybe? Maybe a thought, or the Authors representative of morals or intentions? Not sure that I am making much sense here, but I just don't get the feeling that they are meant to be seen as a person in I and II until III where they are 1. Just me.... I could be waaay off base!!! I enjoyed this as I do most of your writes and it seems just a bit more complex. It makes me want to read it a few more times to see if I get something different each time and I think that I just might find something new each time!!
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Yes there do seem to be a handful of shadows ever crowding about my brain--something I've noticed over and over. I think that perhaps the essence of these beings is in fact unbreakable--like water.
And no, you're not off base. You know my poems are intended to be highly interpretable, so your interpretation is perfectly valid, and a great joy to read.
Thanks again for stopping by, having a read, and leaving your thoughts!
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Damn good.
You seem to have switched the general gender symbolism, it's interesting. Though it makes me think about Wicca, whole mother and father dual godhead thing. -
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The gender symbolism is mostly of eastern origin--of a Taoist nature. In fact, the three parts represent Yin (I), Yang (II), and Tao (III), to the best of my ability.
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matter and soul
pulsating and attracting, light and dark
balance
rhythmic step dancing in harmony
profound magical write
beautifully written
God bless you my friend...
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Glad you enjoyed. This is a special sort of write for me. I got a bit too brainy with it at some points, but I managed to back off and rewrite the poem again from a fresh perspective. Truly structured "free verse" is one of the most challenging things I've attempted. Each of my synthetic odes are, in a sense, highly structured free verse. This would seem an oxymoron to many, but it's not. Free verse was not originally intended as formless verse, but forms free from convention--Yet still forms nonetheless. So "free verse" can in fact be highly structured and still be free verse, such as this poem.
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Ahh the inherence of contrasts in life, world, man, and just about everything. The necessity of creation and destruction to the birth of something more sustainable or even everlasting, like hope, perhaps. The essence of unity as well as of war to achieve an even more lasting peace. Of black and white, man and woman, top and bottom, day and night, dark and light--opposite things that in fact cannot be without the other, that either rise or fall with each other (more often though, beyond the human eye see or grasp), that either makes one thing whole or empty.
This piece is a wonderful reflection of all these.
I know that synthetic ode is technically difficult to write. I will leave the technical critiquing to the experts. But I just wanna say that this work, like many of yours, cultivates the subconscious. Such is a gift you have, and tells so much about the spirit you are. And need I mention that this one is just beautiful? I must admit though that I fell in love most with the concluding segment of the poem, which will leave a lasting image in me of fire and rain dancing cotillon. Sometimes I wonder what kind of spirit you are made of that I couldn't guess how you will synthesize your subjects in your synthetic odes. The effort and time you spent for this is well worth it.
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An absolute delight to get your thoughts on this write. Thank you for allowing me the privilege of sitting back and really enjoying your experience and understanding of this hard-wrought write. You're thoughts somehow instill in me a drive to strive toward excellence.
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Just beautiful...
as im new to this world of art you can be inspiration man -
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Glad you liked. Hope you'll feel inspired to read more of my attempts at poetry.
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Hi Erin
Got your e-mail, thanks!
This has been up on my screen for a while now in the "New by Favorites" area.
I'm sometimes a bit reticent about reading your things, as I'm not sure I could
properly comment on them, and this is no exception.
But this is what comes to mind for me.
I see creation, and all that was good in both male and female, first singly, and then collectively. Almost Kabbalistic purview if I recall correctly, sort of a "What was HE
thinking?" on that momentous first day.
Well, that is what it appears to me to be. It is great!
The lines shift and move to form a greater WHOLE, as a painter would use his titanium white tube unsparingly to bring about the hues he desires.
I liked this poem a great deal, from stem to stern as they say.
Be well,
John
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You know that my poems are often meant to be highly interpretable. So there's no wrong way to interpret them. In fact, I find I really enjoy your interpretations, specifically, because your perspectives often allow me another look at my own writing--an experience I never tire of.
Thanks for reading yet again my friend. I love the "Kabbalistic purview". I understood what you were seeing soon as I read that, though I hadn't realized it was there until you told me.
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Superb
'tis a very fine write, with excellent imagery. You have expressed
your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this poem with us. Again, well done. -
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Glad you enjoyed.
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The contrast of creation and destruction are I believe, necessary for a balance. Each as single entities are opposites but when joined together provide the balance needed to sustain lifes forces, whether human or nature. A very complex write and wonderfully creative.
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I think they may be animating principles more than entities. I think it's from these animating principles which entities arise. Individually they are vaporous, like the principles of math, which require an intellect to realize and explore. But these unnamed animating principles. I think they are driven toward one another, and when they interact, entities arise, and all sorts of things happen.
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I shall not disagree with you in this. I have what many of my peers would call unusual beliefs. The unnamed animating principles you speak of are foreign to many in my country, but I believe you, they are there, awaiting their time to interact.
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mystical mystery
The dance of Shiva comes to mind
Destruction and creation are aligned
All within the androgynous form
Of male & female still and storm.
( Loved the assonance of complexities )
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The dance of Shiva must be the Tao then.
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