Sacrificed my everything
Just to fall into a snare
You loved me and left me
H
A
N
G
I
N
G
Loveless and lifeless
From the ceiling fan
Author notes
Prompt will go here :: I changed who I was for you.
20-30 words
In a list
A contest entry
- I pierced my heart for you, and you walked away. by Andi..
800 points, ended August 1, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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This is truly worth nothing less than the Gold.
You have spoken so much at such less expense of words.
Your presentation is very unique and the form is very much imitable.
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Though it may not be all out dirty pretty, to me it is. The hanging would signify that. Not what I'm really looking for, sorry. I'm going to have to DQ.
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ok
*tear*
lol
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Now this was a great read,
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Nice one! Good job with the prompt.
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Oh, what an ending!
Loved the alliteration throughout this piece and I especially liked how you
utiilized placement to emphasize the word hanging. You have become quite good
at writing in brevity my dear. You seem to be able to relate an entire story in just a few short words, as is depicted in the above write.
I think this is one of your better writes, at least it is one of my favorties so far.
If I had to suggest anything at all to raise this to a higher level it would be to bring the consistancy of the caps at the begining of the left align up to par by capping the word
"loveless" and I would also leave a space between the lines seperating the word hanging from the rest of the poem so that it actually appears to be ... hanging ... instead of connected to the other stanzas. Other than that, I think this is a really strong write and even those suggestions are only suggestions and the poem will stand strong without those changes. ( they will only heighten it's value in my opinion)
Great write dear!
Suzi
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