♥
the rain swallowed us
For the 3rd day in a row
We laughed and ran
in step to a song of
the depressed grey sky
staccato then allegro
it couldn't make up its mind
you with your umbrella
and me trying to stay dry
but not succeeding at all
both soaked to the bone
running trying not to fall
we ran, we ran
the sun peaked out for a few
the raindrops -- staccato then allegro
the sky couldn't decide what to do
You kissed me hard with passion
And I just stood there dazed for a frame
I took you in my arms and...
I kissed you staccato then allegro
We danced down to the grassy plain
you told me this was your fantasy
and every boys' dream
like jethro tull said
in their song velvet green
don't worry my mother will never know of it then
I am your city girl and you're
my dear vivacious "country" man
♥
Author notes
Inspiration:
Jethro Tull - Velvet Green (song)
"allegro vivace"
In a list
- {Starts With S} • next in list
- {Rhyme} • next in list
- {Love, Longing & Fantasy} • next in list
- VI. Ex-Files: Break-up Poems & Poems That Were Too Good To Destroy • next in list
A contest entry
- OVWA Winklings # 183 Allegro Vivace by Lyndon.
1100 points, ended August 21, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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ahh this is awesome!
I love the 'staccato allegro' thing. music references make me happy
this is quite beautifully written and held my attention throughout.
it's just awesome, really
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Quite amazing darling!
To be honest though, I do think, and it's just in my opinion, I don't think you need:
"I am your city girl and you're
my dear vivacious "country" man"
I just find that it doesn't really seem to fit into the poem. I know it might be from personal experience, but the way you have it written throughout, and then this line ending it, it seems like too much, a bit overbearing for the reader upon first glance. The line before that phrase is a stunner and should definitely be your finishing line. I couldn't think up a better line myself!
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Thanks. It's not really from personal experience, at least not all of it. The last two lines do fit though... have you ever heard the song that inspired this?
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