Stormy clouds of black and gray fill the evening sky.
Creatures of the night emerge into its safety,
awaiting the blood of innocent, unknowing victims to
become their prey. Street lights glimmer dimly
as mortals walk the streets, unaware they are
being watched by strange beings.
Gently a hand is placed over her mouth,
the victim, young and full of life.
Dragged into an abandoned house to
suffer her unavoidable fate, there was no
point to her resisting, not now.
Prepared and ready to die, she succumbs.
Soon she realizes, to die is not her fate,
but to embrace the injection about to occur.
A glance into his face was all it took; his milky
white skin, his deep glowing eyes sending her
into a trance. His hands slowly trace the silhouette
of her body as the beautiful creature prepares to take her.
No longer afraid, she entwines her hand into his
and gasps! He kissed her up and down; on the legs,
breasts, arms, and face. Reaching her neck,
he spent time, slowly making her ready for
his penetration. Finally, at the peak of passion
he enters her flesh, forcing her to let out a scream.
The way he slipped into her was so gentle,
all she could feel was his venom, pushing
through her veins, taking over who she once was.
Laying in this creature's arms, she finally
felt a sense of belonging. He entered her.
He changed her. She was now complete.
Author notes
I chose the option VAMPIRES but I'm not sure I like how this turned out. Hopefully I can get some good suggestions. Is it too subtle?
A contest entry
- Amaze me. by Antebellum.
400 points, ended August 2, 104 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Quickie: 20 people. OPTIONS! by borrowing.moonlight.
600 points, ended August 4, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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its not too subtle.... rather just a tad too harsh. i mean, i think you could have dragged it out a little bit.... there was no air of suspense... no WOW moment. at least thats just my opinion. i still liked it, dont get me wrong. its a brilliant piece with a lot of potential it just could use a little work! keep at it! thanks for the entry
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this is great...only thing, you say its about vampires..i didnt get that lol.
But anyways i love how this is written,
thank you for taking the time to enter,
good luck -
Nice
I like the imagery here, at first I had no clue this was about vampires but the words explained everything beautifully, great topic to write about, I really like this write, I wouldn't change anything. Write On!
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wow dark an drew me in so well, it felt story like, flowed like a poem, good luck in contect
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why does everything seem so dark it only angers the spirt and the mind
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