rain pours into her hair
dripping down onto the ground
she's laughing and breathing
spins in a puddle at her feet
her clothes are soaking
but her eyes are sparkling
(looking up at him)
in the middle of the rain
(together again)
Author notes
The lines in () I'm not sure if I should put into the poem or take them out. I'd like a few suggestions on it.
.:~*~:.
http://Zaratops.deviantart.com/art/after-it-rains-114563553
- Static On The Airway group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Capture this on film. by PaintedParisPassion.
550 points, ended August 18, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Suggestions are welcome from open minds
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I dont see a problem with the ( ) so I would say leave them in. Your poem is full of imagery and emotions. And I liked it. Thanks for sharing this with us.
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that's really good. your wording is brilliant and it's very vivid.
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This was very nicely captured! Light and frivolous mood to it made it even better.
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I think the lines in the () are brilliant, I'm not sure i'd like it if they werent there
. This picture seems to be pretty popular, and thats good because its definatly one of my favorites! This was great, short, and simple. Thanks for entering this.
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I like it
I love the imagery in this poem, and its emotional climate. I also like how you used half rhymes. I sorta like the ( ) lines . I also like how you said the rain "pours into " her hair , showing that it isn't just surface wet but soaked, that was great. The rhyme scheme is very attractive.
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