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Of Dreams

As time passes by, I find myself changed
Priorities flipped, futures rearranged
No longer desiring a place in the sky
I find myself changed as time passes by

My youth is so far from where I am now
The life I possess is not what I vowed
To be a known talent with voice and guitar
From where I am now, my youth is so far

I let my chance go, abandoning dreams
I could not release though I burst at the seams
Afraid to be me, to let my insides show
Abandoning dreams, I let my chance go

And sometimes I wonder, I look back and think
How life would be different if I’d crossed the brink
Was I given new life or torn asunder
I look back and think and sometimes I wonder

Author notes

Thanks to SteveS (http://allpoetry.com/SteveS) for showing me this beautiful form, the swap quatrain. You can read it from top to bottom or bottom to top.

I think I actually prefer mine from bottom to top. lol Perhaps I should switch it??

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Oh.My.Juliet
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    I really love the rhyme and flow of this beautiful piece. It really makes me this but it takes me away to a dream of my own. Very good work as a poet, keep writing! You have talent !!

    Thanks for sharing! Have a good day (:

    x


  • Camille R Castillo
    August 10
    Edit | Reply

    A Very Beautiful Poem

    I relly enjoyed reading this poem. I thought it was beautiful


  • borrowing.moonlight gold member
    August 3

    Edit | Reply
    SO so beautiful.
    Your picture on the side of the screen is so very fitting. I love your repetition (sometimes I wonder) it's very lovely. Your rhyme also was subtle and flowing. Great write.


    • GJCotterman
      August 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much! I love that picture and agree it's fitting, mostly for the cocoon symbolism, I think. I appreciate your comments.


  • Allyson.Lashae.
    August 3

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow! This is awesome! I like it both ways but I liked it top to bottom better, but everyones opinion is different of course, I really like the rhymes you used as well, great write and good luck in the contest!

    • GJCotterman
      August 3
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your kind review. I think there are two distinct sort of feels when reading it top/bottom as opposed to bottom/top. I can't put my finger on it, though. I appreciate your well wishes!


  • SteveS gold member
    July 31

    Edit | Reply
    An astute observation reading from bottom up...it reads just as well. This is a beautiful poem, and, as per your author notes, if this is your first attempt at this form...I can not even imagine your tenth. You carried the thoughts within this write so well and with very nice meter and rather effortless swaps. Thank you for this entry.

    • GJCotterman
      July 31
      Edit | Reply
      Steve, thank you for posting your contest or I wouldn't have known this form. It is indeed my first attempt, and I found it to be somewhat cathartic. We are so used to thinking forward, it was a challenge to think in the reverse.

      Good luck judging your contest. I look forward to the other entries.


  • Treasure 5 gold member
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    This is so beautiful and I really like this type of form You did a excellent job on this poem. beautifully penned. Thank you for sharing and it was very much a pleasure to read your work.


    • GJCotterman
      July 31
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for your kind words. It's my pleasure to share.

1 - 10 of 10