- it's thursday.
i awoke from the sunlight gushing through my windowpanes and the hard
rain crashing onto the pavement outside. i wondered if electricity could
ever be as gorgeous as dominant energy, or if i'd be saddened on the
innocence that occupied the moonlight sometime after midnight.
i always clouded myself with too many illusions, and questioned everything
visible within twenty feet of my gaping eyelashes. i wanted to erase the
images of his face from my nightmares, but simplicity only settled in my
organs when it was nearly useless to me.
it should've interrupted my anxiety when he flicked a cigarette near an
open gas can, setting fire to our untamed sentiments and watching them
flare as my eyes flooded with salt; - i knew better - but when he
poured pure helium into my esophagus, i was instantly engulfed by his
inaccurate charm and tainted explanations.
'do you love me?' i asked, my head rested against his rough shoulder.
he paused, unsure about my proposition, though he knew i really
wasn't proposing anything at all.
'i don't know how.'
the words seemed to grasp onto his tonsils as they carefully
escaped the crevice of his tongue. my throat dried up in a sudden
heave of desperation for air, but there was nothing surrounding
us but silence.
-
he disappeared.
-
and my hopes clashed into disappointment, my heart overflowing
with shattered glass and inquiries of every word that went wrong.
i don't want to hurt
anymore,
and i can't pretend that the rain
is the only thing
falling
fast.
Author notes
prompt ---> red balloon.
meaning;
The color red is usually seen in dream interpretation as either a warning sign, or a representation of passion or strong feelings. Balloons represent either childhood or your hopes, especially of love.
A contest entry
- Quickie by letters to no one.
550 points, ended July 30, 2009, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
[please] don't try so hard to say goodbye;
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Oh wow, what an AMAZING take on the prompt dear
I love how different this was than your other pieces."it should've interrupted my anxiety when he flicked a cigarette near an
open gas can, setting fire to our untamed sentiments and watching them
flare as my eyes flooded with salt; - i knew better - but when he
poured pure helium into my esophagus, i was instantly engulfed by his
inaccurate charm and tainted explanations."I'm speechless. Definitely one of the most powerful paragraphs I have ever read before. Loved the severeness of the imagery -- just brilliant, hoe.
You're my hero =]
♥
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this was SO SO SO GOOD.
SO GOOD.
likeholy crap i havent read any of your stuff in a while and it was on my homepage in my favorites so i was like hmm okay and im bloody glad i did
favorite bit :
'do you love me?' i asked, my head rested against his rough shoulder.
he paused, unsure about my proposition, though he knew i really
wasn't proposing anything at all.
awesomeeee
xx
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this is all so god damn freaking amazing.
the ending is gorgeous, but hell, so is everything else.
sorry i can't give a better comment,
i'm still regathering my words.
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thank youuu.
you're amazing =] <3
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Oh my gawd.
J'adore the first stanza - it's so full of amazing imagery that I can't even pick out my favourite lines.
Woah.
"i always clouded myself with too many illusions" ---> magnificent
"our untamed sentiments" ----> this stands out to me for some reason.
"when he poured pure helium into my esophagus, i was instantly engulfed by his
inaccurate charm and tainted explanations."
^ I am in love with this description. Seriously.
And the ending, how do you do it Amanda? Really?
"and i can't pretend that the rain
is the only thing
falling
fast."
^I wish I had this talent.
I love how air and helium and fire are tied into this and how they all intermingle to fit the prompt, even without the explanation in your notes.
Thank you for entering and goodluck
Shelly
x <3
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oh geez thank you sososooo much !
seriously<333
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you are more than welcome, dear.
i knew this was gold as soon as i read it. it's so stunning, it made me sooooooooo envious - which is exactly what i wanted.
thank you for entering this piece, it blew me away, truly.
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I really liked this one.
It's getting easier to comprehend your writing, for me.
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ooooh super take on the prompt, definitely the most interesting and different one. I love it
this is wonderful'
goodluck love <3
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wow
I like how you word things.
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reply to me when this is done =]
*excited* -
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done :]] <3 hope it's okay love!
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