Life is strangely still
scent of rain is in the air
animals are listening
Sky becoming dark
wind begins to softly blow
gently whirling leaves play tag
Storm clouds rolling in
thunder rumbles distantly
wind now blowing forcefully
creatures take cover
lightning flashes in the sky
raindrop falls on my window.
Comments
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This has wonderfull imagery. The only thing I would advise, is perhaps broadening your vocabulary. Like, instead of dark, how about ebony? or in the line 'raindrops fall on my window' how about, cascade down my window?t
That is the only thing I suggest, beyond that, this has style and class. I like it alot. -
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Thanks! I appreciate your advice... the reason I chose these words is because it's a choka. Choka follows a 5-7-7 syllable scheme, similar yet a little different than a haiku; both are Japanese art forms and are known for their simplicity. Also I wanted to capture the essence of one, solitary raindrop sliding down a window - that first little drop you see before the storm really blasts!
Thanks so much, glad you enjoyed reading.
Blessings,
Amy
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