I'm not what you think I am
Not the person you hope,
Wish,
Dream,
Want me to be
I am the shadow of that person
The one who just can't measure up
The one you pretend is so great
But you have no clue
What is in my mind
You don't know
That I fell for that boy
So long ago
And lost him.
You don't know
How I got my scars
All of the fights
All of the suffering...
You don't know
What my favorite band is
Why I like the roar of thunder
Or hate the drip-drop of rain
You don't know
That I would rather scream than cry
Hurt than hurt others
Die today than live to eighty-five.
You just see the person protecting you
The one slaving away
Giving a bit more of herself
Each time
To make you feel safe,
Whole,
Wanted.
I know everything about you
And your lack of knowledge comes as a surprise
But hey,
You never asked.
A contest entry
- we are not what you think we are by infinity.
400 points, ended December 22, 2009, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
I definitely understand this poem on a personal level. I'm not sure how well it fit the prompt -- I was really aiming for an upbeat poem -- but I can relate to this.
One thing I'd suggest (and this is just a personal feeling of mine) is to only capitalize words if they're the beginning of a new sentence/stanza/section, because when the first word of every line is capitalized it makes the poem flow less smoothly (because to the eye it appears that every line is the beginning of a new thought). Also, I think if this were separated into different stanzas, it would make it easier to comprehend. Sometimes when poems are all in one stanza, parts get lost in the middle because the eye just tracks over them quickly.
Other than that -- keep writing and thanks for entering! -
That I would rather scream than cry
Hurt than hurt others
Die today than live to eighty-five.
You just see the person protecting you
The one slaving away
Giving a bit more of herself
Each time
To make you feel safe,
very correct and very true ..... nice thoughtful work
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