Within my mind she walks
Of love and life we talked
Her face so loving and kind
She walks within my mind
I could feel the love in her eyes
The color of a summer sky
Sweet tenderness she revealed
The love in her eyes I could feel
Her lips were soft and sweet
Our love so sure and complete
In my heart, her love stirs
Soft and sweet her lips were
She was gone before her time
Passionate mountains we did climb
Like a beautiful dreamer’s song
Before her time, she was gone
Author notes
Be gentle, this is my first time. With a Swap Quatrain that is.
A contest entry
- Try a SWAP QUATRAIN by SteveS.
1900 points, ended August 11, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any suggestions and comments are welcome
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
I am so impressed by your words of love, you have a old soul full of passion, and love and light, its wonderful to see you pen it, and its done beautifully. Gone before her time...sigh...and what a superb first time!! I'M PROUD OF YOU! AND I ADORE THE PIECE! LOVE, DIXIE
-
-
Thank you so very much. Your comments are always greatly appreciated my friend.
-
-
beautifully done, especially for a first time. Eloquent, lovely and a very poignant tribute to a love that has yet to die.
-
-
Thank you for such a kind comment. I appreciate it very much.
-
-
You did great, love the poem...
-
-
Thanks very much.
-
-
This is wonderful.
These words remind me of Neil Young. I can't believe this is your first poem. That's incredible. This should be published. (Is it published??)
Words are too meaningless, to really describe how great this poem is.
P.S - I loved your profile page. Made me smile. -
-
Thanks for your comment. It's very appreciated. This is my first attempt at the Swap Quatrain form. To answer your question, nope, not published, never have been. I write for the enjoyment of it. That allows me to find different forms or styles and try them as I wish. I also read and learn from others. It's all a part of liking what I do.
Thanks for the comment about my profile also, glad ya liked it.
-
-
it feels as if one should be wading in the sea with a loved one.
-
-
Thanks sis. I suppose if the love is deep enough, it is somewhat like wading in a peaceful sea. It can be very tranquil and refreshing. Oh great, now you have my mind running circles around thoughts and images.
-
-
Simply lovely...I have never found myself brave enough to try these form writes...although I so enjoy reading them. I thought the adoration in this verse was evident...it ended a bit sadly...but perhaps so true to life. Thank you for sharing!
Az
-
-
Thanks dear heart, I appreciate your comments very much. I'm not sure I would call it bravery in my case......crazy maybe. It looked like a new challenge and the form was intriguing so I gave it a shot.
The sad ending even caught me by surprise. As with most of my work, I have a beginning thought and then continue where it takes me.
-
-
Wow this this amazing and filled with such beauty, incredibly sweet.
-
-
Thank you very much.
-
-
I like your author notes.
The best part about this form, is it just billows with poetic beauty. I think you did quite well for the first time with this form. Maybe bent the rules slightly in stanza three by rearranging the words "Her lips were" to be "were her lips" Lol, I don't suppose it has to be that strict anyway...but it's easy to tighten up...like say..
"Within love's cup, a gentle stir
Soft and sweet her lips were"
Just some thoughts. Thank you so much for this entry. -
-
Thanks Steve, I appreciate the input. Nothing wrong with a fair critique and helpful suggestions. I never even saw the problem so I'll just blame it on lack of sleep.
-
-
Oh Man
OH wow this is just BEAUTIFUL. The love pours out from this poem for all to see, well done. Good luck in the contest huni
-
-
Thanks my friend. As always, I appreciate your comments.
-
-
Great job. The first time huh? lol Seriously, the flow is nice and you said alot with this Quatrain. Makes me want to try my hand at one. Never have done one but they look like fun. Smooth reading with a nice love poem.
Good luck.
Rod
-
-
Thanks for your kind comment. Yeah, first time at this but it was a fun challenge. Learn as you go I suppose.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
