..............25.07.09.
Touch, absent of feeling as it was left me yearning for attainment, her attainment. I gave myself to the depth of her essence only because to catch hold of her, the deeper part of her, that which I wanted could only be done by her surrender so such becomes the bitter sweet anarchy of life.
Thinking to myself, time could never have been when we are, it is always silent, unshaken, un accustomed to the glaciers of her heart and turbulent at times yet remaining absent because in her presence we become forever, or maybe its just I, she couldn’t have unless she felt me, I remain in forever, not just in moment but its very epitome. such is what she does to me.
I say to you, this touch alien to feeling as it is lives me purified, but purification became hard to come by, how could I not want more? I feel it, the echo of just what could possibly be beats silently on the walls of my heart, imprinted, keeping me alive, I am slave to this heart beat so naturally I ask, what is journey without her footsteps to follow? can you describe soul to me if she has not personified it?
Sunk in moments and at times pleasures of being with her, dreaming at times I see the very essence of it, spirit felt, the intertwine of life becomes order even within the screams in my mind, I rise above commotion, only for a little while because you see a love unspoken lives a heavy heart, and a love unreturned lives a shattered, fatigued heart, whispers of what could be though seducing like a lover's shade barely captured dancing with the candle light, it cries with insanity burning quietly to leave me hopeless without purpose, forgive me for being intoxicated by her, she is the drug I never want to be lost of.
Taken with a slight thought and left breathless, silent in front of her, I look stupid sometimes, The shadows in my heart speak of nothing else but us, times that seem never to be and never will be so this intone remains deep within me dancing to its own chaos. How can I utter to her? How can I speak what I cannot?
My solitude from her remains my darkest prison, in my moments alone I find myself asking her, hoping she will dance with me to life's pulsating rhythm, I hear it far away but cannot catch on to it, I want to dance to it, but only with her. My promise is to remain in her surrender, offer her times unspoken of, for words only touch a surface of what is greater, what resides in my heart, what remains unspoken, heavy as it has always been, Burden to my heart. Only to wonder, return my feelings, will she surrender to me? I sit and wait.
I sit and wait.
I’m waiting.
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