When I See You

There you go again, I'm seeing you once again
And here the pain comes, man I'm 'bout to pop pills again
Just to get numb, I feel so dumb
I feel weak, pathetic, nowhere to run
I wanna be some place
Just my music, my pen, paper, and the shower plus the toilet
I feel this way anytime I see ya
It could be even a slight glimpse of your picture
The sight of you makes me feel like sh*t
But the thought of you makes me wanna sh*t
So here I am again, nodding my damned head
To a beat to express the emotions that are dead
I truly want you happy, I guess this is love
Just to leave you alone for someone else to hug
Cater to you, care for you, making love to you
Taking you here, there, or anywhere
Me, however, where ever I go
I know deep inside my mind, I'll always be alone
It's all for the best, cause I'm a f--king mess
I haven't had a moment of clarity in what seems to be a century
These so called ladies, they claim to love me
The moment they had some from me, they're done with me
I'm a f--king toy, not a man, not a boy
Just a screwed up male with a strained voice
I have nobody here to put my head up
Besides family, I'm only left with me
And already it seems like life is dead to me
I try to be a King even though I don't have anything
It's a bluff, it's a front
Too bad I'm not man enough
I would quickly shock my own self
I tried suffocation, over dosing and even strangulation
Each time I failed, yeah I did try again
But unfortunately I just kept failing
I don't know, I feel so emo
Maybe possibly, I'm just like the typical
I could be just like the rest of them
Lots of talk, no action, filled with boredom
Nothing but sob stories, enough with that and start slitting
Committing to suicide is more strict than any religion