Cider moon looms large
over the quiet grove.
Eyes whisper windy
against the falling leaves.
Out in the fields
the carnival sounds
of popcorn laughter
and pinwheel stars
shoot above their heads.
I see them all,
looking up,
their faces glow
in the autumn night.
Out by the silos
beneath the smokestacks,
you smile,
your gentle ways heal me,
as the band plays on.
Distant structures
of dilapidation
paint the harvest meadow,
the barkers at the carnival
grow ever slilent.
The gypsy tells the clown
of better days,
as she laughs with the minstrels,
who knows the better is behind him,
but the best is yet to come,
beneath the cider moon.
A contest entry
- Autumn. by morgana raven.
400 points, ended November 1, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 45 of 45
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Ahhh...better days indeed.
Gypsies, minstrels, carnival music, and a Cider Moon...but my favorite is the jester who put it all down...(you gotta know I'm not gonna call ya' a clown...)
The moonlit night, the smells, the feel of the air, the sounds, the promise of healing passion, all jump right off the page.
The whispers and the pinwheeling stars put me over the top...
You are truly a gentle man, Irish.
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nice word play and imagery here
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me gusta.
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The imagery here is superbad. I luv it.
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Nice Waitsian feel to this bro...I can almost taste the echoes of those sweet sixteen scrambled carnival days; swiggin brandy n cola out behind the silo with peggy sue...stumblin home and pukin all over my ma's new carpet...
Your words come tumblin down just like the autumn leaves; uncaring and unknowing only going wherever the wind will take them...I really don't think they gave a damn about verb confusion...
It's all poetry, let everything just lay where it falls; some say you can't live in the past; some say there is no past, maybe everyone's right in their own way, scramble it all up; unscramble it and then scramble it up again...
Life's a carnival Liam, paint it as you see it, I'll put it on my wall and every time I walk past I'll give a smile and a nod!
Cheers buddy!
John
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A beautiful poem and such an autumn feel to it. reminds me of carnivals i went to when I was a young child. You have a lovely poetic voice.
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See how you shine! (nice spotlight, congrats) This poem speaks well of your pen, and also speaks well of what can be achieved through putting in additional effort. Too easy it is to take the many pats on the back and accept as due without looking deeper. (yes I skimmed the comments) A poet that listens and then makes the suggested effort to reach even higher...succeeds. It shines like the cider moon of which it speaks.
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Interesting imagery; seems symbolic in a Freudian sort of way..
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The glass is half full.
This is a real cool poem, I like it a lot. The imagery is great as usual, and it just has that Liam flow to it...
I love lines 3 and 4, and the ending is perfect...
Made me feel good, about people having a good time, enjoying themselves, and the best is yet to come...Can be read on different levels and taken different ways, and I love it for that.
PEACE,
BRANDON
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Through your words you took to us a place I use to read about in books oh this is beautiful..
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awww i am really like this piece.
it reminds me of those yesterdays
that i spent at the carnival
enjoying all \these things you write
about here. the ending of this piece
is really great.
justgot2loveme
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Congrats on your spotlight honey!!
A wonderful piece indeed...
A well worthy piece to be spotlighted!
Mandi -
Great
I was at first wondering about the title intil I saw the last line. It is very well strung. I've noticed the the stanzas keep getting longer. Great Job. -
Wow. This is perfection now. I absolutely love that the minstrels are so knowing. It makes it so tantalizingly secretive
In fact, this last stanza is now my favorite part!
"the better is behind him,
but the best is yet to come,
beneath the cider moon."
Beautiful! -
beautiful work
Really awesome work! This fall poem interacts with rich scenery and vibrant characters wonderfully.
However, you need to go through and really observe your verb tenses.
"as the band played on."
should be "as the band plays on." (since everything else is in simple present tense)
The last stanza in particular is a maze of verb confusion:
"The gypsy and her donkey
who tells the clown
of better days,
laugh with the minstrels,
who knows the better
is behind him,
but the best
is yet to come,
beneath the cider moon."
Who's "telling" the clown? Is it the gypsy? The donkey? Both?
Again, later the question is: who "knows" the better is behind "him" (which refers to the clown I imagine)? The minstrels? The clown? The gypsy? Her donkey? Several of these people?
It's all a bit of a verb tangle. If you have questions about how or why, feel free to message me. And then if you wanted assistance reworking it, then again, let me know and I'd be glad to assist.
I apologize for being nit picky, but I wouldn't if I didn't truly enjoy the piece. This is the curse of being an aspiring editor!
I loved the characters of this poem and it filled me with enchantment over the fall. Keep up the great work!
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This is so beautiful the imagery and atmosphere were truly magical in the visions this piece painted. So gentle and tranqual.
I loved it.
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Beautiful use of words here Liam. I can't find the words to describe what a great writer you are. You are prob the best on my favourite list, let me know if you ever get a book published and I will be first in line to buy it. Keep up the good work mate, a pleasure to read as always. Jimmy.
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Like an excerpt from a story of magic and allegory, you set the scene and quickly have our world populated by wonder, love and madness. You brush in the vision, touch the heart of your readers, swirl our imagination with magic and then return us to our lunar vision.
Peace,
Tom B.
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!
Very well done. Bravo!
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i love the mix of wistfullness and sensuality, of hope and loss. looking back on it i'm not sure how to digest this peice, it seems like a sweet happy one and yet... sad.
fav. lines "beneath the smokestacks,
you smile,
your gentle ways heal me,
as the band played on" -
Very lovely. Smooth word choices. Strong images.
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Incredible Write
You have taken the autumn to make playful her dance among the tall grasses in falls wind. I read with unrestrained eagerness a most pleasant day. I have often slumbered under your Cider Moon, after a fanciful caramel apple night drenched in perfect harmony, while we sup on hard ciders sweet refrain. Oh darling I am giddy for you have gifted a most perfect moment to remember.
Lady E
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I used to sneak out to go to these
Images of small town carnivals and the scent of cotton candy. Enticing. A soothing feel-good read that has an Ol'Time feel to it. A good pen, well done
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I feel like I was in a book I've read. Absolutely marvolous!
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I love the pictures you put into my head, just breathtaking
Thanks for sharing
x -
great imagry, very nice write
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some great images, almost snapshots that build a larger picture clearly in the mind. Caught in relief by the huge moon behind you feel a sense of looking into a scene from somewhere above. Captivating!
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Very nice Liam,
I love the way it sounds and the living imagery it sort of paints.
Very well done!
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This makes me think of the crunch of autumn leaves beaneath feet, the breeze turning just a nip colder, the tang of apple cidar on thirsty mouths, the smell of those leaves burning. You take us with you to see that gypsy beneath that cider moon and hear all the sounds of your autumn night. I love this!
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Your excellent imagery makes for a great read.
I did notice a change of tense in this line from the rest of the writing, not sure if its a typo or on purpose:
'as the band played on'
I'm very glad I clicked on this piece as I really enjoyed it.
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Impressive poem, great diction, and vivid imagery. Kudos!
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Autumn has long been my favorite season. In my hometown in Kansas, they'd rope off Main Street and hold "Moonlight Madness" sales, where they would serve homemade cider...as well as having a carnival for a whole week in May. It was such a great place to grow up for a kid. I really liked your phrase "cider moon". It reveals a plethora of images and memories for me. Good one, Poet.
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I'm almost shocked that imagery can be this powerful. What a wonderful piece of work!
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Very lovely. Makes me wish to go to a carnival tonight!
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i love this .. great work.. its soft and flows so sweet.. wonderful write really
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This is nice, Lowell
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i enjoy the unusual phrases "popcorn laughter" and "eyes whisper"
the title clearly captures the feeling and subject of the poem
the stanzas from 1-4 are clearly linked. from there, each of them seems to belong only to itself. i don't know if this is intentional
glad you had it featured, otherwise i never would have found it -
Excellent job. Reading this took me deep into the fall season of cider making and county fairs. You captured this time of the year very well. The poem taken as a whole is a great metaphor.
Mike
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Eyes whisper windy....
that is a stunning line...
love this too...
"of popcorn laughter
and pinwheel stars (what about pinwheel squeals- too kitschy?)
shoot above their heads."
"Out by the silos
beneath the smokestacks,
you smile,
your gentle ways heal me,
as the band played on."
Sooo beautiful and romantic, if only i could smile such a smile.
"Distant structures
of dilapidation
paint the harvest meadow,"
Brilliant!!!
"The gypsy and her donkey
who tells the clown
of better days,
*laughs* *laugh* with the minstrels,
who knows the better
is behind him,
but the best
is yet to come,
beneath the cider moon."
And the last stanza ties it all up in a remarkable package of beautiful, yet non-romanticized reality! Wonderfully penned, Poet... You never cease to amaze!
Standing Ovation!!!
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This is wonderfully beautiful. I enjoyed it very much.
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beautiful....
as always Liam.
gentle ways and healing... oh the thought.
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Really stunning Liam.
Taking a field under the cider moon and building a carnival into the quite is some kind of trick. -c
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Quietly brilliant. Very lovely...
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It's quietly lovely.... I don't think it's quite as in-your-face amazing as usual, but I truly enjoyed every quiet word of it, Liam.
*hugs*
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Brilliant!
I loved it!
I love how you always put the extra imagery into your words.
I always feel like im right into the poem.
Your word choices seem like the swoon me
The fifth stanza made me smile
As it touched my heart.
Don't toss this one..
This one absolutly gorgeous!!
s Mandi
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