With ashen eyes I envy the moon,
The great celestial escape in the sky.
Haunting, it hangs a tapestry of solace and desolation.
A desperate place for a desperate man.
Like creepers vines I vainly reach out,
To ensnare and encircle the sphere.
It lays but too distant and smiles back sadly,
The Moon can't be chained to any man.
Is it not better that for this failure,
A man may concentrate on his real dreams?
Why must we suffer alone in this world,
When like spiders webs hope hangs all around us?
Nihilism is such a gray painting,
Yet can be so easily coloured by trust.
A deft touch on the hearts of people you meet,
Is surely better than any lunar waste?
With ashen eyes I weigh the moon,
The saddest mirror adorning the sky.
Its easy to admire the quiet and the time,
In truth, Its enough to make mountains cry.
For in essence I think the moon covets the Earth,
As a cauldron of life that is never alone.
Someday I will achieve all the bliss I can find,
With this, I will share with the moon.
Author notes
Prompt:
"A man who wants to reach the moon but can't because something is tethering him to his real dreams." - Muses Melody
---> Right this poem is in its way quite deceptive and cryptic in how I've tried to manipulate the prompt. Simply put, the idea is that a guy is feeling so alone and misused by life, that he wishes to escape to the peaceful solitude of the Moon. Yet due to the impossible nature of this venture and after careful deliberation he concludes that he shouldn't give up on humanity.
----> Afew Notes
* I've stepped back and not attempted to rely on rhyme for this poem unlike alot of my previous work, instead I feel that I've tried to work the lexis and metaphor rather more than the rythem and form.
*Lexically I tried to include afew nature and spiritual drops while overall keeping the lexis relatively simple.
A contest entry
- Semi- q u i c k i e by Kathraina.
550 points, ended August 13, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite contest - round 1 by serenity silvermoon.
929 points, ended October 12, 461 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think is good, bad and/or needs rephrasing?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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exceptional
I really loved this piece. Well done, bravo even. Excellent AN's. Brilliant.
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I absolutely love your take on the prompt.
Great word choice, love the imagery and flow here.
Marvelous job!
Bravo
♥ Kate -
Wonderful
Very creative and well expressed. Such a terrific write. Best of luck in the contest
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nice job on this poem, the moon is indeed very captivating to all, not just astronomers.
"With ashen eyes I weigh the moon,
The saddest mirror adorning the sky."
favorite lines. thanks for entering and good luck -
a good poem, ah the moon, it has made many a man, and i suppose woman too, crazy, the lunar ticks in the eye twitch as the moonlight seduces humanity's essence, pushing and pulling us all with the tide, we are but shimmers in a sea of gravity.
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