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The Price I'd Rather Pay.

So now we've gone our separate ways, together
we share nothing except the numbing cold of desolation.

Although it bites you like the wind, the lonely pain 

of being alone is a price I'd rather pay,

than sharing my existence with you, for

one more pointless day.

 

Being on my own again, I achieved my happy ending.

Free at last just like I wished, I cannot

pretend that you are not missed. Often charming;

yet not a prince. For I spoiled you like a princess,

now I fear to guess the cost,

Alongside heaps of currency, my dignity was also lost.

 

 

 

Author notes

#1 - I Miss You, Commented On http://allpoetry.com/poem/5071047

This is another one of those 5 minute writes I've been scribbling down recently hehe, I'll probably be back to edit it later

''The price of being free these days, it's rediculous.''
- Pete Doherty

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14
  • SapereAude11
    August 30

    Edit | Reply
    Many people stay in terrible relationships because they're afraid of being alone. Glad to see that you've acknowledged that being alone beats a toxic situation ANY day. Good write, especially the last line


  • fake-or-real-smile
    August 20

    Edit | Reply
    Short but sweet.

    " Often charming;

    yet not a prince. " - i understand that soo well.

    I think you got your point across very well in less lines than I've ever written I think!

    Thanks for entering, good luck and well done.

    X


  • The cliche typo
    July 31

    Edit | Reply
    Rating of title-(7.5/10)
    Rating of poem-(10/10)HA thats the first 10 i think i have givin out in the history of this group =)
    What you think the poem means- I think that its about a relationship that drifted apart but you were finnaly released from and it had its good points but it didnt realy mean much
    what you think- AMAZING! I LOVED IT./... favoritle lines-

    So now we've gone our separate ways, together


    Often charming;

    yet not a prince.

    amazing

  • aimelove
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    "Free at last just like I wished, I cannot
    pretend that you are not missed. Often charming;
    yet not a prince."
    me now: beautiful.

  • Frances
    July 28
    Edit | Reply

    It was ok in my opinion...

    If you said you were going to revise it anyway, then I say go for it.......When it say's " now we've gone our seperate ways, together". I think you should drop the together at the end of seperate ways. That was the only real flaw I saw.But hey good write other than that great work poet.......keep them coming.
    "Write what's in your heart let everyone know
    that poetry is a beautiful way to go"!(I wrote that line!Yeah!)


    • MalcolmDenovan1993
      July 28
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks i really appreciated your comment Frances Just thought I would reply in relation to your poorly educated assumtion that ''Now we've gone our seperate ways, toghether'' is a flaw in the poem. It just so happens to be my favourite line, I can't help but assume you fail to understand the irony and the contrast in this example of enjambment, sorry.

  • saz 09
    July 28

    Edit | Reply
    ok, i really enjoyed this poem. the sense of loss in there without actually being lost is overwhelming. I really enjoyed how you put this piece together, it was such a short snappy piece, yet so effective. well done.!!!


  • MissCDT
    July 28
    Edit | Reply
    I really like the way your senences are split in this piece, I think it adds to the brokenness, if that makes sense. Good write.


  • kurdishking
    July 28

    Edit | Reply
    damn this was crazy bro, Hard to beleive you did this in five minutes then again most my poems are like that to... but this was amazing, and that quote you used is so true, no matter what you doing you cant be free this modern system is built to have us all chained keep this up bro crazy stuff


  • Sin with a grin
    July 28

    Edit | Reply
    wow great poem!!! i liked it alot
    title- 9/10
    poem 9.5/10
    wow this really was good. I liked how it ended with "my dignity was lost"
    what i got from this poem was that you want to be with her but u dont cuz of what reason i dont know. but u would rather pay the price of missing her than being in her presents???? did i get it??????
    good write though


    • MalcolmDenovan1993
      July 28
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks very much yeah you got it right, I left the reason out for two reasons: the first is that it makes it transferrable to other people who have had a similar situation. The second is that, in the relationship the poem is about, I didn't actually know the reason why I felt that way. Bad chemistry maybe. Who knows.


      • Sin with a grin
        July 28
        Edit | Reply
        oh i c. ive been that confused before and i HATE the feeling
        i read it twice cuz it confused me at first but then i got it


        • MalcolmDenovan1993
          July 28
          Edit | Reply
          Yeah i often find that you should read a poem twice, you have to if you want to understand it in depth. There are ofcourse some poems that you can understand on first reading, but nothing thats any good. I often find that the ones I read several times are by the greats, or on the other hand, they are by complete idiots lol


          • Sin with a grin
            July 28
            Edit | Reply
            lol yea i hate when i read a poem over and over and over and i still dont get it so all i say is good poem and two applaud lol

1 - 14 of 14