My own Insanitarium (Part Two) [Trigger Warning, Real life scenes of Violence.]

***This is part two, but This is very graphic including severe scenes of Rape, But this happened to me, and therefore, this helps my healing process. If you are easily sickend, or have recived the same type of abuse, please, know your boundries. Please. Thank you for your time***



Under the bed, in a box,
lies my deepest secret,
My own Addiction...
The Blade, the razor,
my own release from the
insanity wracking my brain,
filling me inside
with anger, and sadness,
and a bloody cut blooms, and
smiles. No pain,
just the gauze inside that box,
and alcohol to clean,
and stop the bleeding.
I didn't want to die, after all.
Not yet.

[Ah, another wrong man]

He wanted me for sex,
and I was not so keen to give
up so much of myself, and
he let it go.
But the relationship crashed to
the ground.
I was left alone again.

[The first Rape]

These memories come faster now,
and my stomach churns and my
palms sweat. i can't breathe, but
the memories go on.
Pulling me up the stairs,
a fist full of hair,
and throwing me against the wall,
his lips against my neck,
feeling for what he is looking for,
the clanging of his belt.
I try to run, but he's faster,
stronger and better than I could ever
be; and I am on the ground.
Sweat coats his face,
hair plastered against sweaty skin,
that smell I will always remember,
until I die.
The pain, i remeber, he forced his way
inside, i swear there was a ripping,
or maybe that was the sound of my
screams. His sweaty palm over my mouth,
and these words "No one can hear You"
In, Out in, Out. No thoughts, only pain.
In, Out, In, Out.
Looking for help, and his uncle there,
masturbating to my own pain.
When He was finished, I ran to use his shower,
his uncle (50 years old, I swear) watching me,
touching my body...smiling when I get out,
I'm suprised he didn't rape me too,
though his own self gratification,
got him through.

[Leaving, Again]

Again, I leave him for the second time,
swearing it was the heroin,
not him.
But I go back to Markus,
who Asks for sex again,
and What do I do?
I give it to him,
I wasn't a virgin anyway.
Then he left me,
thats all he wanted.

[Shocking]