Alone, the night bird flies tonight
The girl she walks alone, only
to find one starry night her heart
was ripped to shreds.
Oh why must I love you? Why
must I care? Only you can love me
only you can pry.
Oh, sweet Prince of Darkness, to you will I be true.
Lots of maidens may tempt you,
but only I can make you bloom.
I will only give my breast, to one lord alone.
A contest entry
- Quickie Time!!! You Interested??? by Sweet Impatience.
700 points, ended August 3, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
such intensely dark poem that you've written. wow! I really enjoyed reading this
There was a word limit with this contest,min 30 words max 60 words, you have 76. and I'm assuming this is for the first prompt. Please place in your author's notes which prompt you are writing for.
Good Luck
Kat
-
I really like this write, as far as changes I would suggest not having the beginning of the sentence in the same line as an ending one like ....
The girl she walks alone, only
to find one starry night her heart
I think if the word only should be in the next line. There are other sentences you've done this, I think if you did that then it would better the flow, just a suggestion
all in all this is a great write and I did enjoy reading it.
-
I love the feel of this. The aching for loving her prince. This made me feel a sadness and a hunger to read more. There's always a maiden or two isn't there. no revision needed from me, I need revising myself...lol. Beautiful poem and I love the purple letters.
-
Very nice take on the prompt picture!! (I assume it's option 1).
I love that last stanza.
Good luck in the contest,
A~
Adding your comment:
