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Maze

Imagine the ice water, not too thick,

but hard enough to cut if punctured,

of danger to empty pathways, and

isolated of glass, time stood still

protected by egg-shell, and snow,

only the waves captured silent,

only the moon sees the embrace,

their love is egg-shell and snow.

 

Imagine ice

there is no warmth or heat

no misery or sadness

no night or day

moonlight or sunlight

death is lovers destiny

joy or innocence

draped all of mannequin

in a second

love has no beginning.

 

 

 

 

Author notes

 Prompt:

2. word: labyrinth

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • twelfthknight silver member
    August 8

    Edit | Reply
    This is such a beautiful moving poem. I loved the line

    protected by egg-shell, and snow,

    That line creates amazing imagery, very very well written I think you will do very well in the contest x


  • Uniquely-Scarred
    August 7
    Edit | Reply
    i love this sentiment that love has no begining, a good piece of work you have done here


  • Kathrin silver member
    August 7
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    this is very mysterious and chilling a fine write if i do say so myself

  • refinnej
    August 6
    Edit | Reply
    this poem made me cold!!! BRRR!! i love the picture you painted and the symbolism kinda sad though

  • Eusebius
    August 5

    Edit | Reply
    A veritable argosy of images comming at the reader in a most arcane, but very well done poem... the mystery is all to the good I think. I liked it a bunch.


  • Rick Weston silver member
    August 4

    Edit | Reply
    imagine, i do like the way you pull us in as each stanza starts, then carries us thru the maze. intriguing poem. well done.


  • TwiztidMaggot
    August 4

    Edit | Reply
    hm This is pretty good. I like how you wrote it. Keep up your great work.

    TwiztidMaggot ♥


  • solzhenitsyn08
    August 4

    Edit | Reply

    Thanks for poetıcal protection

    The good style I've chanced to meet here teachs me how to be "protected by egg-shell, and snow", and "only the waves captured silent" is reflecting like a new melody in ears that "only the moon" could see!
    Bravo poet friend!



    • haley27 gold member
      August 5
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thank you for the wonderful comment given to my poem. I'm glad I inspire you with my words. Haley27


  • rollingzen
    August 4
    Edit | Reply
    good write


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    August 4

    Edit | Reply
    And no ending. 'tis a very fine write, indeed. Thanks for sharing this one with us for you have expressed your thoughts quite well indeed. Thanks for sharing.


  • Navajo Apsara gold member
    August 3

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this is different but pretty neat oh your in a contest good luck. danger to empty pathways, and isolated of glass, time stood still. this is excellent, sounds dangerous though. Thank you for sharing and it is very enjoyable to read your poem. Keep penning great poems.
    .

  • RechercheCadaver
    July 31

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely poem with some fantastic imagery. I love what the word prompt inspired, very unusual take on the word. I would just suggest that you review your punctuation and be more consistent with its usage. It can be a bit distracting while reading. For example...I have no idea why there is a coma here: "protected by egg-shell, and snow" its a bit disruptive and doesn't seem to belong because it cuts the second part out of the sentence and I expect to find that the snow has a different function and meaning, the snow is further described in the following line. However, this never happens and the second part becomes a fragment that does not belong anywhere. I do not know how to explain this in other terms, but its as if the word snow does not protect along with the egg shell, and the purpose of its inclusion in this part becomes unclear. I hope that you understand what I mean. Other than punctuation, everything is perfect and I really enjoyed reading this poem.

    • haley27 gold member
      August 1
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thank you for the informative and wonderful comment given to my poem. I want online to see what a labyrinth poem looks like and this how basically how it looks. Its supposed to have twist and turns, and allow you still basically go down a maze. I will start correcting my punctuation. Haley27


  • etoile
    July 30

    Edit | Reply
    great take on the prompt. I thought the first stanza was amazing. it has great imagery.

    goodluck and thanks for entering

    • haley27 gold member
      July 30
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thank you for the wonderful comment given to my poem and I'm glad you liked the poem. Haley27


  • Deprived-of-Reason
    July 29

    Edit | Reply
    very well written. A little confusing for me to understand, but its late, you must forgive me. Emptiness, a tangled web of chaos creating nothing at all. No escape. That is what i took from this and whether i am close at all or not,
    i believe you are a brilliant writer and best of luck to you in your contest.
    great job!


  • Darkened Desire
    July 29
    Edit | Reply
    i loved it....
    love has no beginning...

    • haley27 gold member
      July 30
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thank you for the wonderful comment given to my poem. I'm glad you liked that line. Seems when your in love you never know how or when its start, but creeps up on you and magically ponder the thought. Haley27

  • Rhygirl60 silver member
    July 29

    Edit | Reply

    Thought provoking

    Your words feel gentle yet many are sharp. The more youi read the more you can get out of it. There is a peaceful sadness. I am curious as to what inspired this unusual beautiful poem.You are welcome to visit my poetry,Rhygirl

    • haley27 gold member
      July 30
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thank you for the wonderful comment given to my poem. I took my inspiration for my divorce experience . I drew a labyrinth maze through that. Glad you liked it. Haley27

1 - 22 of 22