by Gregg Rowe
My mother
has a forked tongue
snake venom
spits at me
in droplets
like her period
poisoning my mind
My father
warms his tongue
drinks the devil
his erection
becomes flaccid
as droplets
seep into me
I have a forked tongue
drink the devil
taste the snake venom
as it warms and spits
my erection is flaccid
a virus escapes inside me
poisoning my mind
Author notes
I commented on House Of Cards by CrazyDame. You have to read this, the ending is so perfect!
Number 3: DARK
Written December 26th, 2003
In a list
- Writings for My Father • next in list
- Writings for My Mother • next in list
- Gregg's Silver Cups • next in list
- The Honorables • next in list
A contest entry
- Abuse by rockchik000.
300 points, ended April 17, 2006, 33 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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This was truly interesting.
I love the dark twisted view that was portrayed in this poem.
I liked the metaphors and the questions that were left in your mind after reading this piece.
Thank you for entering. -
First off, thank you for entering this in my contest. This write does have a dark side to it, yes, but I am not sure this is exactly the type of dark I was looking for. Overall the piece is penned well. You did an excellent job with the piece. Thanks again for entering and good luck to you.
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Fluttaby: You are correct onthe first two stanza but I think what the metaphor I was trying to convey in the last stanza was that sometimes our past dictates the present and through circumstances the virus is HIV and it seeps through my blood like my father's and mother's faults. (My worst fear also is that the HIVirus lodges into my brain -- what we term AIDS Dementia -- and I lose all my intelligent capacities to communicate.) Maybe I need a clarification in the last paragraph? Gregg
Edited on Jan 16, 2:20 because ''. -
I read this and I had to read it again to fully capture the power and imagery that it encompassed. The snake venom were her lies, and your father drinking led to your demise?
Just because they were like that, it doesn't mean it has continued. Having read a few of your pieces, and your author page, I very much doubt that any of those horrible lies and traits have been passed down
Take care
xx -
cute. its really really good. very good description. good luck hun. and good job
~*! Honey !*~
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This is really nice. I enjoyed reading it!!
You've given great descriptions throughout the poem- very well done!
Keep it up!
Thanks for entering and goodluck!
Blessed be,
Shadow -
Xio-Tian_Shi: you have assumed correctly in your analysis and it was conitnious sexual abuse from a father coupled with a mother who never spoke the truth to the authorities when questioned, which results in traits being passed on, yet the cycle can be broken with enough strength and courage. Gregg
Edited on Jan 16, 2:21 because ''. -
this is great though a little confusing for me. Would I be right in assuming some sort of childhood trauma and parents problems resulted in this piece? anyways, I liked it and the great descriptions you gave were superb. good luck in the contest!
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Oh Gregg , what is there to say to a poem like this , which I assume is a truthful look at where you came from.I can definitely relate to the father part all too well , but I have an absolutely great mom....but the atlantic ocean has come between us. I just won a contest for 1000pts with a poem I wrote about my mom. Yet , I am also a childhood abuse survivor by my father and catholicism. How wonderful it could be for you in your situation to have the love and support of great parents , but aye, I am sure you have tons of friends that play that role. it is not always the blood that ties us . This poem almost made me cry....however I want you to keep smiling,
Reenie
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Gregg,
I am reading you poems, one-by-one, downwards from the top and just pause here to say that while time does not permit me to comment on each of them individually, I feel I am getting to know you and am finding the exercise buth rewarding and humbling.
Regartds and love. Hugh.
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hey! fantastic piece here! theres loads of great imagery and it flows really well! imagery...i love imagery in a poem! anyway, i'll stop rambling now! great write! ~lulu~
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Intersting metaphors...for me. Mother, forked tongue and snake venom brought to mind 'Eden', Eve and original sin, as it is depicted. But they seem to go deeper than that.
I wouldn't say this says 'abomination' or 'deviant' but I would say that I found the suggestions in the words.. as forked tongue is such a strong metaphor for liar, or one who speaks double truths. On top of that there are the considerations of families themselves which can often be dysfunctional.. and hold dark secrets within their unit..
Forked tongues, and hard visions, deviation ..and all that comes with it. But then ..I tend to think creativity almost guarantees it.. Myself I've always been a rebel..
Sorry my critique wasn't more constructive.
~~whims -
Sometimes our families create such venom inside of us it is all too painful to reveal, but you have made the choice to expose the tempest. Excellent write as usual. You are a stellar poet and all that you pen entices my muse.
Renee
Edited on Apr 21, 3:35 p.m. because ' '.
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Great Job!
Well Penned And Expressed!
Talk about imagery, you captured my attention my friend, as always you seem to be able to do, and you have skills!
Keep up the wonderful works, and I appreciate as you share you here at AP, take care, and I'll read ya laters!
-Timothy -
Its interesting to read what others think of when they look at a picture. I liked this poem even though the subject matter was not the most pleasant. It shows the angst and emotion of the abused. Very good job with this. Good luck in the contest. I hope you win.
~Tawnya~ -
I entered this contest too. Yours was beautiful. I love how you described the family. Hmmm...I wrote my on the house. gave it a morbid twist as always
Good Luck in the contest, my humble mentor.
bows at his feet as she make her exit
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I too missed the other photo links and you have done well to deconstruct this family picture. Good luck in the contest.
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aha...just goes to show i'm not as observant as i like to think i am...missed the other photo links...so please disregard the first part of my previous comment! also wanted to let you know that this piece was, in part, the subject matter of a phone conversation i just had with a good friend. we talked about the "sins of our fathers" and how we can get beyond the physical and emotional scars left from our childhood. i thank you for helping to open that dialog.
~liz -
Fern: I took the Adult off so you are able to read it, but I guess this means I am disqualified?
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hahaha...well of course i will silly! I find your posts very enjoyable. And your pooh prints on my page bring me smiley's! lol
UB
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I haven't unnerved yet my dear, hope you will continue to visit these insane creations I come up. Kisses and hugs...after reading this one you need a hug...I can sense it...esp...ranting...lol
Edited on Mar 27, 11:37 because ''. -
Liz there are three pics to choose from, the house on the contest page and two links below: one of a family and the other of a goose flying; I choose this one to deconstruct family relationships during the 1960s. Thank you for your concise comments on this poem...very much appreciated.
Edited on Mar 27, 11:37 because ''. -
will admit to being somewhat confused by this one, m'lord.
normally go and have a look at the contest explanation and rules before i read a contest poem...so i'm trying to fit this poem with the contest and not having much luck...unless your meaning was that this shack was the scene of child abuse.
as for the poem itself...blew me away. i think, in many ways, we are the product of our parents...or at least have the possibility of being like our parents...rambling again...
anyway, this piece gave much food for thought...
~liz -
Whew...the contempt (i perceive)...is done well in such a concise manner. There is bitterness...and the "spit"...well, fits so well with your descriptions. I like the way you took the "family" apart and constructed an image that most would not see in this picture.
UB
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