pure.

I want you.
It was the easiest realization to come to,
but the hardest to grasp.

I've become a sheltered mass of bones, surrounding myself
with masks of emptiness and apathy.
You're the one essential flaw to everything
that I've worked so hard to become,
and I don't know where to take it.

I know that this is so impossible, so much to doubt
and I'm okay with that.
I know that you will never in any universe or in any black hole
let me be as attached to you as I would like.

But the way you've dug under my skin makes me
wonder if there's more to life than being in pain and angry.

You and I were never meant to be this way
because the thing about us lonely people is that
the scenery may change but we never really do.

The thing about us lonely people is that
we won't admit we hurt being that way.

We never find a way to truly be happy without
sabotaging everything we know we want and need.
We count the stars and watch Venus drift through the sky,
but we never say what's on our mind.

But then the rain is falling and it's storming
inside and out...
and I just need to be held and told for once that
I'm not alone, that not everyone will leave me, that I
amnotworthlessineveryway.
I want every bit of you, so tragically human, so humanly tragic.

I had a dream the other night between my fits of nightmares
where you told me that thirty seemed too young
to die and you didn't want to be a lonely person anymore.

I don't want to fix you because you...
you are not fucking broken and you are not weak.
You may be damaged and I see it in your eyes,
but we are continuous people.

We do not give up.

I just wish there was a way for the stars to align for the people
who deserve to see the sunrise in life,
those people that deserve a divine absolution.

I want to make you happy, I want to see you smile
and maybe mean it for once.

It won't be you and I know that.
I understand that it's dark and we'll forever be lonely,
but I want to dream for once and not wake up screaming.