Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Hatchling

Welcome to this world, angel
I know you were once treated so well--
You weren't cared for by claws
You're skin wasn't made up of smoke,
Every heart beat was a given.

The past would lie behind you
Buried under cracking eggshells,
All the shimmering for the globe
Was evenly shaped--rounded by the haven
You've spent your life in.

Well, this is the real world dear
No matter what you were once known of
With frost covering your wings and dragons plucking your feathers;
The warmth and comfort you were used to
Is no more, taken over by the beast you'll become.

In a list

A contest entry

Is it alright?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • catz Moderators member
    September 28

    Edit | Reply
    Good imagery inthis well written piece. Makes us think of the comfort and safety given up with birth. Yu did a good job bringing substance to different kind of poem.

    Dee


  • MissingBatteries
    September 11

    Edit | Reply
    I greatly enjoyed this write. Your imagery throughout was mind catching, and I thought you said some very 'normal' ideas that could come out in a conversation with someone, but you said them so poetically that they all seemed new. My favorite line was definitely "every heart beat was a given". Thank you for sharing!


  • river-meadows
    September 1

    Edit | Reply
    Love this poem..very good. =)

    Welcome to this world, angel
    I know you were once treated so well--

    The warmth and comfort you were used to
    Is no more, taken over by the beast you'll become.

    ..from the first part , to the last..seeing the contrast. This is life.

  • wellsey69
    August 28
    Edit | Reply

    I like the metaphors

    I love your use of metaphors, you chose things more able to challenge my mind


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    August 26
    Edit | Reply

    20.81 / 25

    The last stanza was the strongest. This needs some revising.


  • Griswold gold member
    August 7

    Edit | Reply
    From innocence to reality of real life. What a drag we have to go through all that. Thank you for taking the time to enter the "Fight for the Gold" contest,it is appreciated, best of luck to you... Scott

  • Felicity B.
    August 1

    Edit | Reply
    I read this as an astonishingly accurate account of the emotional transitions during adolesence. The safe and warm fantasy of childhood being consumed and replaced by the 'beast' of the personal discovery of adulthood. Wow.


  • Kathraina silver member
    July 28

    Edit | Reply
    Last stanza, third line "coveting" should be "covering" or "coating".
    The flow in some parts feel stinted while the rest goes together quite well.
    Good imagery here, and I like the concept you've used.
    Good job

1 - 9 of 9