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Untitled # 4

Trains of ivy traverse the eaves; moonlight
                        trickling amongst the leaves,

branching across the empty house.
On an empty window pane
orchids cloister along the bough--

Alone in the lilies
my head sounds of the lyre;
a naked despot as
lungs stagger then respire.

          Under a harvest moon
the barren stretch
of my fingertips; my naked breast;
stole at their intestacy
like a shameful youth
lusting in the erogenous shadows of night.




A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • LonelyAngel
    August 27

    Edit | Reply
    Such lovely language, you should be proud of this write and keep writing more!. You have shown such deep emotion and made it really easy to read.

    Well done,
    Thanks,
    Good luck.

    xYx


    • atticus snow
      August 29
      Edit | Reply
      Yeah. Thanks. I guess you probably didn't intend to sound patronising.


  • Navajo Apsara gold member
    August 12

    Edit | Reply
    Under a harvest moon the barren stretch of my fingertips; my naked breast;
    stole at their intestacy like a shameful youthlusting in the erogenous shadows of night. This is such a excellent write. Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed this


  • Oh.My.Juliet
    August 11

    Edit | Reply
    I love your use of Erogenous, such an amazing word. As is this poem (:

    Thanks for sharing, keep writing!

    x